That time I went to a group run... and finished almost last

I love to run. I do. Yet, I haven't been running. I really have no reason for it. I could make the time. I could use the jogging stroller at take Bailey with me. I could go before the Hubs leaves for work (ya know-- at 5am). I could go after B goes to sleep. I could make it work. I really know I could. I just haven't. 

And, I just haven't because I just haven't WANTED to. I'm still working out-- home DVDs & walks. I'm enjoying that. Running hasn't sounded FUN. I LOVE to run. I'm not going to do it if it doesn't sound fun. Why force it? I know the fun will come back. Probably not til fall when this blasted heat is over, but it'll come back.

Ok, ok. I admit it. I also haven't felt like running because I kinda suck at running right now. I'm WAY outta running shape. When I run, I'm slow (for me). When I run, I huff and puff like a chain smoker. When I run, I am reminded over and over again that I am not where I was before I had Bailey. I mean-- duh, but I can kinda blissfully ignore it most other times.

So, I'm not really running right now.

But, I kinda want to. I feel the itch SLOOOOOLY coming back. SLOWLY. Like, "meeeeh- running doesn't sound terrible today so maybe I'll do it tomorrow... maybe" kinda slow. I'd prefer not to be 1000000% out of running shape (the 100% out of it I am now is plenty) when that "I WANNA RUN RIGHT NOW AND ALL THE TIME RUN RUN RUN RUN RUUUUUUN" feeling does come back. I'd like to maintain a "5-miles is easy" kinda stamina.

But, I'm not there. So, for the record, what I'm saying is before I want to start running again, I need to start running again. Makes perfect sense, right?

I do not presently have that sought after 5-mile base, as I quickly learned last week when I went to a local running stores group fun run they do all summer every Thursday evening in hopes of starting to SLOWLY start running before starting running again (again- makes perfect sense) and in hopes to meet some new people in our new town and make some FRIENDS. Anyway- I heard about these via Facebook (where else?) a while ago, but we were busy each Thursday night til this week so, I  had no excuse and told myself I was going!

I got everything ready. I talked to the Hubs and figured out our Bailey plan. He'd cover B duty (random side note: I HAAAAATE when people say the father is "babysitting". Dude. He's the DAD. He's not babysitting. He's dad-ing. End of story.). I'd nurse her before I left, be gone about an hour and though it was putting her bedtime back a few minutes, I'd be back in time to nurse her before bed. I was good to go.

So, of course, then the panic set it.

Amy talked me off the ledge and told me to shut the F up and go. Good advice and exactly what I needed to hear.

I mean- could I even RUN 3 miles? In the crazy heat, btw? Yes, I ran a half a couple weeks ago. But, we ran/walked and when running ran slow. And, it was in the morning. I'm a morning runner. This fun run was at night. I'm not a night runner. And, I'm outta running shape. And my bum/upper leg was really sore (thank you very much curtsey lunges). And, and, and. All the and's the in the world.

But, I went.

Pre-run... very unsure of how this whole RUNNING thing was gonna go.

I had mixed feelings. Part of me was sure I wouldn't even get out of the car. Part of me thought I'd freaking rock it and make a bunch of new running friends and it would be a breeze. Part of me thought I'd come in last and not even talk to anyone.

Sadly, the later is the closest to reality. NO ONE talked to me. No one. And, ok- I didn't talk to anyone either, but everyone seemed to know each other. I stood alone like a total weirdo. That pretty much sucked, I won't lie. Then, the run started and I quickly realized as the humidity starting taking a BEATING on my lungs just how outta shape I was. I struggled to maintain a 9:50ish pace. STRUGGLED.

Apparently it was a little shy of 3 miles (though I did go straight to my car instead of to the door b/c I was in a hurry to get home to nurse Bailey). Pace is a little deceiving as we stopped for a light/cross walk for OVER A MINUTE (slowest freaking light evvver) and for 3 other lights. I'd guess I maintained about a 9:50-10:00 pace. 

The front of the pack seemed to be keeping an easy-to-them 8ish pace. I couldn't help but remember and long for the days when I would have been stride for stride by them. Those days are not today. I was in the back.of.the.pack. Ok, I admit it- not the last person, but in the last couple. No exaggeration.

So, I made no new friends and I was slow and dying. In total honestly, it kinda blew all around. Not the grand return to the sport I love I had in my mind. And.... so what? Of course it wasn't going to be fun. I'm outta shape! It's gonna take WORK to get back, if I ever get back to where I was (which was never even close to great to start with, hello mediocre runner Meagan!). And, if I wanna meet people and make friends, I might actually have to initiate a conversation. As scary as that is.

So, I'm not gonna give up. I don't know if I'll be able to make every Thursday run all summer, but I do know I'm going again this week. And, I'm signing up for a local 5-mile run. I'm not saying I'm diving back into running.... errr.... not even a little. This is still running-before-starting-to-get-back-to-running mode. My goal is to get to that comfy 5-mile base-- not to be in half marathon PR shape. Baby steps. I'm ready for that small step which, for the record, feels like a pretty giant leap right now and still scares the shit out of me. It won't be easy. But, I'm kinda excited to challenge myself again. Let's do this.

2013 - Let's Do This

Well, I suppose it’s that time again. The New Year is just around the corner, so I guess it's time to make the much loved (and rarely completed) New Year's Resolutions.

As I think about the upcoming year, it's hard to predict where life will take me. I foresee many changes, though I don't really know why and I have no real idea what they will be.

Looking forward to 2013 there's many things I hope to accomplish. I want to challenge myself and I want to grow as a person. Woah-- that sounded so phony and scripted. Meh... hokey? Yes. But, true. So, without further adieu, here's are my Top 10 2013 Resolutions...

#1: Run another marathon. I still haven't registered for #2, but will soon, I think. The "I WANNA DO ANOTHER ONE NOOOOW!!!!" feeling has faded a bit, but I know in the back of my mind that I want to see how I would do in another one.

 

 

#2: Try a new recipe at least twice a month. This may seem like nothing to some, and while I like to cook, I tend to get in ruts and cook the same thing over and over. Hopefully this will help me branch out a bit.


#3: Talk to the sisters at least once every other week. Sucks that we all live in different places so we don't get to see each other that often. I really wanna make an effort to TALK to them (texting is an added bonus but doesn't count as talking) at least once every other week.

#4: Strength train more. Yeah, yeah. It's so good for you. Bleah. I just prefer cardio SO MUCH MORE. But, I'm gonna try. I really am. I'm going to try to go to at least one Signature Strength class each week. I also want to try to do 8-minute Abs and 8-minute Arms at least once a week.

 

#5: Save more money. The Hubs and I are actually really good about this, but I think we can be a bit more intentional and do even better. I know I can. I can cut back on the random Starbucks runs and stops at Target. I can stop and think about if I REALLY need (or even want) that new shirt or if I'm just getting suckered into a sale.

 

#6: Visit at each of my BFF's at least once. One of my best friends lives in Kentucky, one lives in Ohio, one lives in Chicago, three live in Michigan... they just live all over!! I am seriously blessed in the friends department. They are the gratest girls out there. Seriously. Be jealous. Anyway, some of these amazing women I get to see relatively regularly, but I wanna be sure to go out to see each of them at least once this year.

 
#7: Try Crossfit. I don't think I'll drink the crossfit Kool-Aid (see #4), but I want to at least try it.


#8: Eat out less. It's hard to put a number limit on it because shit happens, but I'd like to TRY to eat out  NO MORE than 1 lunch during the work week, 1 dinner during work week, and 1 meal on weekends. This is a big one. The HUbs and I eat out more than we should. Not everyday by any means, but still more than we should. This'll help with goal #5 too. 


#9: Eat less shit. I mean... I'm never going to be an incredibly HEALTHY eater. I'm OK with that. Cheeseburgers and french fries are just too damn good. BUT, I could (& should) eat BETTER and eat shit less frequently. Not never. Just less often.

 #10: Run faster. I think I'm capable of running faster than I give myself credit for and I let myself get away with running slower because I think I'm a slow runner. That makes no sense and I know that. Somehow in my head it comes together. I need to get out of this cycle. I'd like to PR in the half-marathon (with an ultimate goal of sub 2:00) and in the full (with an ultimate goal of sub 4:10). To do these successfully I need to really focus on running and getting in a speed workout in each week.

(source)

And one more-- just for good measure... spend quality time with the Hubs. This is without a doubt the most important thing on this list... but, it's something I'm committed to doing constantly, so I don't really count it as a "New Year's Resolution" kinda thing.


 

 

 

 

So, that's that! 2012 was a fabulous year. But, I have a feeling there's even more amazingness to come. Bring it on, 2013.