Elias Birth Story

I've been wanting to write Elias's birth story since... well, since he was born so I won't forget even the smallest of details. But, life has had other plans. Turns out, having a new born is HARD. And exhausting. And, having a newborn while also having a toddler is really, really freaking hard. Like really hard. Like way harder than I anticipated. Anyway- it's more delayed and less detailed than I wanted, but here it goes... sit back and get some popcorn... Elias's birth story...

I had my last doctor's appointment on Wednesday, 10/19 when I just shy of 36 weeks. I got my last progesterone shot (which was SUPPOSED to stop pre-term labor... spoiler, it didn't) and had my cervix checked. I was 1 cm dilated. I went home and carried on life as usual. There was no sign anything was moving down there.

Thursday, 10/20: I lost my mucus plug. SO SEXY. Anyway- again, not a big deal and not a sign anything really was happening. No big deal. I'll admit it did make me wonder if we were getting close to D-day but I brushed it off and told myself not even to think about it til after Halloween (spoiler: I did not make it to after Halloween). I had no contractions or anything.

Friday, 10/21: The Hubs took Bailey to his parents for the weekend because it was our anniversary Saturday, 10/22. He got back that evening at about 8pm and I told him I was having some crazy Braxton hicks. They went away when I changed positions and I slept pretty well that night, so I really do still think they were Braxton hicks and I wasn't actually in labor just yet. Soon, but not just yet.

Saturday, 10/22: We woke up that morning after sleeping in because we were kidless (HA! Not for long!). When I went to the bathroom that morning, there was a lot more mucus than before. Still not a sign of labor, but I just knew something was off. I told the Hubs that morning I had a feeling today would be the day. I told him about the mucus, but that I was having no contractions or cramps at all. He said I was insane and we carried on our morning. The Hubs had a doctors appointment and I took a late morning nap. Still, no cramps or anything. We left to see an afternoon movie (The Girl on a Train) and thankfully had some food during the movie (though I had cheese fries which would give me insane heartburn which I later was super pissed about during labor). After the movie, I went to the bathroom and there was blood. I debated about not calling the doc because I was sure they'd make me come in and it'd be for nothing. But, after leaving the theatre, I decided to call. Of course, I was right and they said to come in so the hubs turned the car around and we headed to L&D. I kept saying over and over that it was stupid and it would be nothing but still, we went.

We got to the hospital around 4. We parked and walked to L&D, me feeling totally fine with no cramps or contractions. We checked in and they got me undressed and hooked me up to the monitors where it was very quickly very clear that I was having contractions. All of this was very new to both the Hubs and I, as with Bailey there was never any time for any of this and I was never hooked up to any machines.

The doc said he wanted to monitor me for 30 minutes to see if the contractions got closer together. While we were waiting and I was laying down attacked to a machine monitoring my contractions, I called my sister and was on the phone with her when I said "Either I peed myself or my water is breaking slowly". She immediately called it that I was having this baby that day. The doc came back and checked and sure enough, my water broke and the doctor told us I was having Elias today. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was SO SURE I was going to go full term, I think I was more caught off guard this time than with Bailey. We called the Hubs parents and let them know what was going on. Thank goodness B was already with them and we didn't have to figure those logistics out. Best timing ever in that way. The fact that it was 4 weeks early and the stinker wasn't due til 11/20.... well, that wasn't great timing.

Anyway- for the first 2 hours or so was fine. I wasn't in any pain and thought things would progress quickly. The Hubs ran home to grab some stuff. I started feeling more pain about 6:30pm just as the Hubs was getting back so I went in the tub for a bit. It helped but I was sure I was having contractions very close together so I got out and asked to be checked. I was shocked to find out I only 4cm! I thought they were going to tell me I was 9 and it was going to be time to push. I was very disheartened to learn I was only 4cm and it was really starting to hurt. From 7-9pm is sorta a blur. I got in and out of the tub one more time, walked circles around the L&D floor and just waited to get further. The contractions started coming closer together and got more and more painful. By 9pm I thought I was gonna die. For real. I thought it couldn't possibly hurt any more (spoiler: it did). I asked for some IV-given pain meds. It meant I couldn't get out of bed, as many women get light headed but I needed something to help with the pain at least a bit and I really didn't want an epidural.

I got checked again and was happy to learn I was 7cm and got the pain meds at about 9:45pm. I stayed in bed for 20 minutes or so and felt like I was given nothing. It hurt more than ever. I got out of bed to try to bounce on a birthing ball and told the Hubs I just couldn't do it anymore and I wanted an epidural. The Hubs supported me, but, as I told him to do, asked the nurse about the risks. As the nurse started explaining the possible risks I already changed my mind and was going to tell her never mind. Before I could even say that though, I literally yelled "I NEED TO PUSH RIGHT NOW!"

It was unlike anything I experienced in my life. Totally unlike Bailey's birth. I literally felt like I HAD to push RIGHT THEN and it was that quick. They raced to get the doc and I was suddenly fully dialated and effaced and it was go time. I'd love to say I was calm and cool and collected, but I was soooooo not. I cried and felt like I couldn't do it. I asked them to pull Elias out of me (to which the very matter of a fact doctor replied "Meagan, there is no medical reason to do that at this time. You need to push."). I said a million times I couldn't do it. I honestly felt like I wouldn't be able to do it. It hurt more than I could ever imagine or explain. It took a few contractions of small pushing, then 1 contraction with a big push got his head out a bit (where I LITERALLY could feel myself tear--- OOOOUUCCCCHHHH!!) and then one more contraction and a reallllllly big push and he basically came out in his entirety. After only a few minutes of pushing, Elias was born at 10:43pm weighing (what we would only later learn for sure) 6 lb, 15 oz.

They put Elias on my chest for a few short minutes before taking him away to check him and then wisking him off to the special nursery (not technically a NICU, but essentially a NICU). They assured us he wasn't in any significant danger, but they wanted to keep him at least overnight (spoiler: it was more than 1 night). The Hubs stayed with Eli the entire time, never letting him out of his sight. I finished birthing the placenta and getting stitched up and eventually (after what felt like hours but was actually only 45 minutes or so) got to go to the nursery to see my beautiful baby boy again.

And just like that- Elias was born, our world was forever changed, and we were officially a family of 4.

(More on the non-NICU-but-NICU stay and experience later)

Sunburst 2014 (aka that time I ran a half marathon TOTALLY untrained)

Guys. Saturday I ran a half marathon: the Sunburst.

I'll give you a minute to process that.

What's that you ask? What was my training? I mean, I MUST have just been training this whole time and not mentioned it on the blog, right? Because I would NEVER run a half marathon under un-trained, right?

Yeaaaaaah. About that. I didn't train. Like, at all. Sure, I've run here or there since having Bailey. A few 3 and 4 milers. A 5 or 6 thrown in there here or there. Yep. That's it. Before Saturday, I hadn't run more than 6 miles since I was pregnant with Bailey. Whomp, whomp.

So, I admit, it wasn't the BEST plan to just bust out this half. And, it certainly wasn't just busted out. I busted my ass to even finish. And, that was with a LOOOOT of walking. And, pain. Oh, the pain. I had forgotten just how sore you can be after a long run. I also got a huge slap in the "LOOK HOW OUT OF SHAPE YOU ARE!" face. Like, woah.

But, I got up at the ass crack of dawn to nurse Bailey and then drive the hour to the start line with this girl by my side the whole time.

 

Sadly, I WISH I had made it to this alarm. Bailey was up at 3:30am and I didn't get back to sleep. FUN.

We made our way to the start, me FREAKING out in my head that there was NO WAY I'd ever finish.

Ready, set, GO!

But, Amy and I finished.

I finished with my head held high. It was by far my slowest half.... well, ever. Didn't matter. Doesn't matter. I finished. I ran (& walked) 13.1 miles. I'm proud! Maybe even more proud than I was after my half PR (which just so happened to happen while I was pregnant too). Time/pace didn't matter. I finished. I was hurting and miserable and hot and sore, but I FINISHED.

This race holds a very, very special place in my heart. Not only was it my very first 5K and catapulted me into this crazy sport, but, more importantly, the proceeds from the race benefit the Children's department and NICU where I had Bailey and where Bailey spent 10 long days. I've run this race before. Numerous times. I had never paid attention to what cause the race supported. I just ran it for fun. My in-laws bought me this years registration for Christmas (THANK YOU!! Best in-laws evvvvver!!) and as I was reading through the paperwork, I read where the proceeds were donated to. My jaw dropped. I KNEW I would run this race, trained or not. I knew I had to. For Bailey. For myself. For the Hubs. For our family. For the other babies in the NICU. But, most of all for the doctors and nurses who treated Bailey with so much love and care and who made sure she was happy and healthy. For that, I owe them the world. I can't give them the world. But, I could run this race for them. I wanted it to be my best race ever. I wanted to win the stupid thing. Neither of those were ever going to happen. I'm not at the place in my life to PR and I'll never win a race (duh). At the end of the day, that didn't matter. I finished.

All that mattered was that I finished. Best race ever.

Me: 4 Months After Baby

I can't believe it's been FOUR MONTHS since I had Bailey. It really boggles my mind. I can't even remember what life was like without Bailey and yet it feels like she just got here. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

Reguardless of what it feels like, it has, infact, been four whopping months since I gave birth to my little peanut. Bailey's grown and changed everyday since she entered this world. 

 

I've talked a lot about her changing and growing, but haven't much talked about any changes to ME since she was born. So, let's chat...

Physical
I was lucky. Really lucky. I felt PHYSICALLY back to normal mere minutes after giving birth. Sure, I was a little sore down there and had a hell of a hernia (fun), but I was up, walking, and even asking if I could go back to work (in hopes of saving my maternity leave for when Bailey was HOME, not in the NICU) shortly after having her. I didn't feel like I thought I'd feel after just giving birth, though I guess I have no idea why or what I thought I'd feel like. I think the hormones and endorphins really carried me through the first few days and by the time we left the NICU, while I was EXHAUSTED and STRESSED more than I realized in the moment, I felt physically fine.

Post Bailey

Everyone told me to bring sweat pants to the hospital because I would still look pregnant and be bigger than my normal pants size. I don't say this to brag or because it's normal (it's NOT!), but I could fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans the day after I gave birth. Again, this is NOT normal. And, I should note that my jeans were WAY too big for me pre-pregnancy. I weighed myself about 4 days after having Bailey while I was home showering one morning and was SHOCKED to find I was 3 pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight. SAY WHAT?!?!? Again, this is NOT normal. I KNOW that. I really have no idea how this happened so fast... but, I attribute it to not gaining too much during pregnancy, having Bailey so early (I very likely would have gained several more pounds if I had gone full term), staying active during pregnancy, and having a LOT of fluid which came out during labor. Ready for TMI? I had so much fluid gush out of me during labor I soaked the doctor and a nurse so had she had to change clothes. Oh, and the fluid got ALL OVER the Hubs and even the wall behind my head. That takes talent. Anyway, back to lose of weight post-baby. I also attribute it in large, LARGE part to immediate lack of sleep and post-partum stress.

Post Bailey

Again, I think I was stressed WAY MORE than I thought while she was in the NICU and while I was eating during this time, it was minimal as I was just too busy and worried to even think about food. When I saw that I was under my pre-pregnancy weight, it was a wake up call. I needed to gain back those pounds. I knew to be successful in nursing, I needed to keep my strength and weight up to produce enough milk. I made a concious effort to eat (and drink more water!) more and to try to relax (though I failed miserably at that last part). I gained back the 3 pounds within a few weeks and continue to sit right around my pre-pregnancy weight +/- a few pounds.

I feel like I should also say that the weight is staying off now due to an amazing combination of breast feeding and working out. I've been working out at least a few times a week since I got the all clear at my 6-weeks post-partum appointment. Couple working out with the extra calorie buring of nursing and the weight is staying off. Which is good, since I am eating like a freaking machine. OMG. I am ALWAYS hungry. I've decided while marathon-training hunger trumped pregnancy hunger, nursing hungry far trumps all. Wowza.

Now, just because my WEIGHT is the same as it was, my body is most definitely not. My tummy looked like a water bed after giving birth. It was SO SQUISHY! Not that I ever had a toned, flat tummy-- but, this was a whole new thing. It's gotten a little less squishy, but is still much more than I can remember it being before. And, I have a POOCH. You know the one. Yep. Not sure when that'll go anywhere. The shape of my body is just different now too. I can't really explain it or tell you exactly what's different, but almost all my pre-pregnancy clothes fit differently now. I wish I had a gazillion dollars so I could go buy clothes that fit properly... but, I don't. So, I'm wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes that all just fit a bit off. Though, I did buy a new pair of jeans and a new pair of work pants on crazy sale one day while B and I were crusing around the mall killing time while I was on leave. Both are 2 sizes smaller than my pre-pregnancy size, but remember those were really big.

Mental
Again, I'd say I was lucky. I did not experience post-partum. However, let me tell you-- all those emotions and hormones they say run through you post-partum... they're real. Oh my goodness, they are real. I was all outta wack. I am just now starting to feel normal and like ME again. For the first several weeks, I was SO emotional. Yes, some of that was likely do to the extra NICU-stress, but I think more was due to just having a baby. I would get SO MAD at the Hubs for pretty much nothing. I would cry along with Bailey sometimes. I was just an emotional mess. But, I never felt overwhelmingly sad or depressed. Again, I was lucky. Having a baby does a job on your emotions and hormones. I tried to be gentle with myself and allow myself to cry when I felt like I needed to and not get too mad at myself when I snapped at the Hubs for no reason... though I always appologized to him. He was a tropper and never got too mad. :)


So, I suppose that's that. I'm still the same me I was before, but 100% different at the same time. Makes total sense, right??

Worst Things to Say to Parents of a Preemie

Having a preemie is HARD.

Not having your baby at home with you. The stress of the unknown. The cords and tubes. Nothing about it is easy.

The Hubs and I are lucky in that we have some AMAZINGLY support friends and family who made it SO much easier for us.

But, not everyone has that support. And, even for us, there were still a few asshat people in the world who said stupid, stupid things (NOT our friends/family... again, they were beyond words amazing!!).

Here are a few stupid things people said to me or that I overheard being told to other parents in the NICU that I would suggest never, ever saying to anyone with a preemie or with a child in the NICU.

-"Did the doctor tell you what you did to have her come early?" or (for me) "Do you think working out so much made her come early?" (Yes, I really had someone say that to me-- to my FACE.)
Seriously?!?!? This one was the WORST. What I did DO?? Meaning I did something to make my baby come before she was ready. Way to tell me I'm a shitty parent. Like I'm not already wondering if it was my fault and beating myself up. Thanks for affirming it. Hey shit head, I didn't DO anything. Sometimes babies just come early. I had a picture perfect healthy pregnancy. I did everything by the book. I took prenatal vitamins. I stayed healthy and active (though not TOO active, thankyouverymuch). I ate right (and not too much or to little, again-- thankyouverymuch). I went to the doctor when I was supposed to. I didn't drink a single sip of alcohol or smoke a puff of anything. I slept in the position you're supposed to. I talked to my belly. I even went to prenatal yoga for goodness sake! I didn't DO (or not do) anything wrong. Now, please get out of my face before I punch you, thankyouverymuch.  

-"At least you don't have to go through your last month of pregnancy!"
Ok, maybe those last few weeks of pregnancy are rough... clearly, I don't know, as I didn't GET TO experience them. I WANTED to, but didn't get to. Telling me I didn't HAVE to go through them is silly. I WANTED to. I would have LOVED to, especially as that would have meant Bailey got to keep baking longer and likely been born 100% healthy.

My last preggo selfie!

-"At least you can get some extra sleep!" or "Enjoy your sleep while you can!"
Yeaaaaah. Um, I didn't get any extra sleep. I likely got LESS than a lot of parents with their newborn at home get. I was up every 2 hours to pump and to help with her getting her diaper changed, temp taken, etc. Every 2 hours, like clockwork. I did not take ONE, SINGLE nap the entire time she was in the NICU. Not to mention the added stress and anxiety of having a baby in the NICU. So, NO...I didn't get any extra sleep. Thanks for that, though.  

-"She's so small... she doesn't even look real!"
Saying she's small didn't bother me (though it may bother other preemie parents). She WAS small. I was OK with that. But, dude. Don't tell me my baby doesn't look REAL. She IS real. Her cries are real. Her pain is real. Her smiles are real. She's real. I promise.

-On the flip side... "Wow! She looks like a regular baby!"
What... did you think I gave birth to a monkey or something? She IS a regular baby. Thanks.

-"She's in the best place [the NICU] for her right now!"
I know people meant well with this one. I really did. And, they were right. I knew that. But, it also felt like they were saying the best place WASN'T with me. And, as her Mom, that felt like a kick in the stomach.

-"She's be home before you know it."
Again, I know people meant well with this one... I really, really do. But, no matter how soon she got to go home, it wasn't soon enough. And, I didn't KNOW when she'd get to come home.



Most people mean well. I know that. I'm sure most preemie parents know that. Most comments aren't meant to hurt or annoy. And, even those above didn't bother me too much. I'm pretty thick skinned and not too easily bothered. But, some parents are. So, if you're ever in the situation with a loved one having a child in the NICU, take my advice and just tell them the baby is beautiful and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Simple as that. That's what our friends and family did and, let me tell you, it meant the world of difference.


And, to our my friends and family-- you're amazing!! THANK YOU!! We couldn't have gotten through it without each of you!!!

Our Experience in the NICU

(Warning: This post might be a little scattered brained... not only am I on like 5 hours of broken up sleep, but I also just have so much to say, but am not really sure how to organize all my thoughts... so, bare with me. Also, this post is hella long. Again.)

 

As I said in our birth story, about 45 minutes after she was born, Bailey was taken to the NICU. Hardest moment of my life thus far. To see your perfect little baby who just came out of your belly be carted away and have there be NOTHING you can do is absolutely terrifying, even in the best of circumstances-- which we had. I KNEW, in my head, nothing was seriously "wrong" with Bailey, as they let her stay with us for so long. I knew she wasn't "sick"... but, in the heat of the moment, none of that mattered. All that mattered was she wasn't with me and that SOMETHING was wrong.

When they took her to the NICU, the Hubs went with her. That was something we talked about long before. I'm sorta a pessimist (me?!?! Never!) and so we talked about some of the worst-case scenario things and the Hubs and I both felt very strongly that Bailey not be left without someone who loved her, so he would go with her, no matter what. It helped a TON that the Hubs parents were there, so they stayed with me while the nurse finished cleaning me up and such. They were able to distract me so the full impact of Bailey leaving didn't hit as hard as I'm sure it would have had I been left alone. Huge, HUGE thank you to my inlaws for being SO amazing during this time.

After a few minutes of getting cleaned up, and the nurse wheeled me in a wheelchair (despite me asking if I could walk) to the NICU to see Bailey again with my in-laws following. We all went into the NICU and FINALLY (ok, it was like 15 minutes, but if felt like eternity!) I got to see my little girl again.

To see her again was amazing... but, I can't lie and say it didn't break my heart into a gazillion pieces to see her hooked up to so many tubes. The Hubs, who had been there the whole time, had to see her get poked and prodded and get an IV line put into her little teeny hand... I honestly can't imagine having to watch that.

<This seems like a good point to pause and mention just how AMAZING the Hubs was through all of this and still is!

I think sometimes we overlook how hard things can be on the man when delivering a baby... and he was AMAZING. Through labor and through everything in the NICU and since then... AMAZING. He never let Bailey out of his sight for HOURS, talking to her and touching her little hand to make sure she knew she was loved and safe. I honestly can't imagine going through it without him. Since having Bailey and going through 10 long days in the NICU, we're bonded in a new way I never knew possible. To say he's my rock (though so cliche) would be an understatement. Words will never be able to describe how wonder he was/is and how grateful I am to have him as my husband and as Bailey's father. Girl is the luckiest child in the world to have him as her Daddy. I can't stress enough how much harder everything would have been without him there, by my side. He was amazing. He is amazing.>

Ok, back to the story...

So, when I got to the NICU, the nurses and doctor explained that Bailey's lungs weren't quite fully developed yet, as they are the last thing to develop in womb. So, she needed some extra help breathing. There are a bazillion medical terms I could try to remember to throw out to better explain things, but that's really the jist of it. The doctor assured me Bailey wasn't SICK... she just needed a little extra help, as she wasn't quite done baking just yet. Again, I'm minimizing all the details, but really-- that's the really the main idea.

I tried to breastfeed while we were still in the labor and delivery room before they took Bailey to the NICU, but she didn't take to it. Because she was had a ginormous breathing tube thing in she couldn't try again until she would be taken off that (called a CPAP), so they also had to put a feeding tube in. I was really upset at this, as I really, REALLY wanted to breast feed. Luckily, the hospital staff was AMAZING and encouraged me to start pumping from day 1, and had lactation consultants there to cheer me on and encourage me, especially as the first time I pumped I literally only had ONE DROP come out... I'm sure had they not been there to tell me that was all I was supposed to be producing that early and to keep at it I would have gotten discouraged and stopped. I can't thank the lactation consultants enough. I kept at it and Bailey was given only breast milk through the tube (in addition to some other nutrients and proteins, but never formula).

The first 2 days, while I was still in the hospital as a patient myself, were a blur of sitting by her side, pumping every 2 hours-- all day and night-- and holding her skin to skin (kangaroo-care is VERY important especially with preemies). Either the Hubs or I were with her almost every second for the first 48-hours. We were lucky in that we COULD hold her... a lot of the babies in the NICU were so sick, not even their parents could hold them. I would have lost my mind, so I am SO SO SOOO grateful we could hold Bailey all we wanted. Grandparents were allowed to hold her, as well. But, that was it. No other visitors (like my sister or the Hubs brother) were even allowed to touch her in hopes of keeping her as germ-free as possible.

Anyway, after 2 days, I was released. (Note: I'll talk more about my "recovery" in another post.) This was hands down the hardest day of my life thus far. When you're pregnant, you spend so much time thinking of the moment you leave the hospital with your little baby... and, I didn't get that. I was released and told I could go home, but that Bailey could not. It could not have been farther from what I imagined all those months I was pregnant. The Hubs and I left the hospital that evening, drove the 5-minutes it took us to get home (while I cried the whole drive), took Sadie for a 10-minute walk, and turned right back around and went back to the hospital. Those were the 20ish hardest minutes. Words can't describe how hard it was to leave without her. When I was pregnant I imagined what it would be like to walk into my house for the first time after labor, with this little, perfect baby in my arms... and, I didn't have that. There was no baby in my arms. Even though I KNEW she wouldn't be in the NICU that long and I KNEW I'd get to take her home soon... still. My heart didn't know. Or couldn't remember it in those minutes. Just thinking about it makes me cry right now.

I spent that first night I was released at home with the Hubs. I can't lie-- It was nice to sleep in my own bed and shower in my own shower. It was also so hard. I was still up every 2 hours to pump (so, to all you people who say "At least you got some extra sleep!"-- bullcrap!) and just missing her so much. At 5am the next morning, I was back at the hospital, by Bailey's side.

The NICU at the hospital we delivered at was AMAZING. I cannot say enough good things about the staff and facility. After sleeping at home the first night I was released, I decided I wanted to stay at the NICU, as it was just too hard not being with her and knowing I was right there if she needed me. Not to mention, I was still up pumping every 2 hours and I was exhausted. The Hubs didn't think me driving back and forth from the hospital at all hours wasn't safe, as I was just so tired. Luckily, the NICU had several "parent rooms" that parents with children in the NICU could stay in for free. Basically, they were hospital rooms... well, sort of. The room I stayed in had a pull out couch, TV, and bathroom with no tub or shower (there were communal showers available, but I never used them). Basically, all I needed, especially since I was really only ever in the room to sleep for the next several days. I was SO grateful to have this available to me.

In addition to the room, I was able to get a free lunch from the hospital cafeteria delivered to me in the NICU everyday I was there, since I was pumping/breastfeeding. Again, BEST HOSPITAL EVER. Not only could get a free lunch, the Hubs and I could also both utilize the Ronald McDonald Room located down the hall from the NICU for free snacks, breakfast, and a home cooked nightly dinner.

I took advantage of the parent room and meals for every day and for every meal during the entire time Bailey was in the NICU. I stayed with Bailey almost all day, every day for the remainder of her stay. I left each day 1-2 times... one to shower and see Sadie at home (poor dog was so confused!!) and one sometimes to run an errand to Target or somewhere. Turns out, when  you have a baby so early you don't have a bunch of the stuff you'll need when she gets home... for example, we had ZERO newborn size diapers and TWO newborn size outfits. Lots of Target and Babies R Us trips happened. I was never gone for more than an hour and a half, as she had her "checks" (diaper change, temperature, and feeding) every 2 hours and if I was there, I could help with most of it and I always wanted to do that.

After she was in the NICU for a few days (the exact timeline kinda eludes me... it's all a bit of a jumble), she was able to come off the oxygen, which was great. One less tube! It made it SO MUCH easier to hold her. Sadly, she had to go back on the oxygen the next day as her numbers went back down. But, they came back up the day after and she was off it for good from then on. But, as any parent with a child in the NICU learns quickly, things are often one step forward, two steps backward. Right when the oxygen stuff sorted itself out, she developed jaundice, which is very common in newborns. She had to then go under a bili light to treat it.

(Bad pic, sorry... I didn't take any pics of her under the lights, so this came from a video I took)

Sadly, during this time she needed to be under the light as much as possible to get rid of the jaundice, so we weren't able to hold her as much. That was tough, but we knew it was what was best for her.

During this time, they also had to keep pricking her foot a few times a day to test her blood sugar. I hated those times! So hard to see your child get poked so much. Even worse, she pulled her IV out and had to get a new one... they had to try 12 different places (including two ON HER HEAD!!) before they found a good vein. Now, if you've ever had blood drawn and had a nurse miss your vein you KNOW how much that hurts and sucks. Poor girl had it happen 12 times IN A ROW. Makes me cringe even now. She was such a trooper, though. Girl has some serious fight in her!

Anyway- her jaundice cleared up in a few days later. So, she was off CPAP (the breathing treatment) and off the bili light! The next hurdle to tackle was getting her to eat. As I mentioned, she was exclusively getting my breast milk through a feeding tube up to this point. Now that she didn't have as many big tubes and didn't have to be under the light, the doctor gave us the green light to try breastfeeding. I was extremely nervous, as most preemies don't take to breastfeeding well, since they didn't develop the skill right away after birth. By this point, Bailey was almost a week old and we were JUST going to try. I was preparing myself for it to not work and to have to continue to pump (which SUUUUCKS, btw. I HATE the pump!!). I was SHOCKED when Bailey immediately took to the breast. Ok, maybe not IMMEDIATELY... her first few times she only got a couple sucks in, but, again, the staff was SO encouraging and we kept at it and she had it down by a few days. I was (and still am! Spoiler alert: breastfeeding is still happening and going well!) SO happy she took to it so well.

After a day or two of b-feeding going well, Bailey started rapidly improving. The jaundice was pretty much gone, her breathing tubes out, and now the feeding tube was out and we were exclusively nursing. NO MORE CORDS!! Ok, she still had a few-- just to monitor her heart rate, but it was small and easily manageable.

Then, the hospital let the Hubs and I take Bailey "home"... well, to our temporary home of our parent room. Again-- BEST NICU EVER. We were able to take Bailey in a portable crib to our room and have her with us 24/7 for the last 3-4 days she was in the NICU, bringing her out only to be checked every few hours and if we needed to leave. It was AMAZING to have her with us as a FAMILY with no nurses around. It felt, FINALLY, like we were getting close to going HOME and really being a family.

Our parent room... look! It even had ART on the walls! Fancy!!

Having the opportunity to care for her in our room, while knowing there was a team of nurses 10 steps away was AMAZING. It felt SO GOOD to finally have her tube/cord free and to be really CARING for her on our "own", but at the same time having a security blanket right down the hall. I would NEVER wish having a baby in the NICU on anyone, but this was really nice!

Now, it wasn't 100% smooth sailing from here on... she was still dropping weight and got as low as 5 pounds, 1 ounce (down from her birth weight of 5 pounds, 10 ounces). The doctor was nervous that she wasn't getting enough milk from nursing and was close to suggesting we supplement with formula. Plus, her jaundice came back. Of course. Again, 1 step forward, 2 back. The doc wouldn't release Bailey til she started gaining and wanted to see her jaundice numbers go down too. Luckily, the day before we were going to start supplementing with formula, she start gained a smidge. Gaining weight helps the jaundice go away too, so that number went down a smidge. And, a smidge was enough! We could TAKE HER HOME!!!

After 10 days in the NICU, we took her home, after the NICU requiring us to take an infant CPR class, watch a safe-sleep and car-safety DVD, and have our car seat inspected, on November 20 at 6pm!

And, then we were HOME. Finally. Safely. And healthy. And, just like that, our journey with the NICU was over.

I've already said it a gazillion times, but let me stress one more time how AMAZING the NICU was to us. Again, I'd never wish on ANYONE to have a child in the NICU. Ever. But, OMG. The staff and facility were amazing. I couldn't have asked for any better. I never even encountered one rude person. Ever. The nurses, lactation consultants, and doctor were BEYOND helpful and amazing. I can't sing their praises enough. I would not have gotten through it without their amazing support. Seriously. Again, just thinking about how AMAZING they all were makes me tear up. I owe them each more than I'll ever be able to repay or explain. Worth every cent (and, trust me-- it was a WHOLE LOTTA cents!).

There are a million other things I could say about our experience with the NICU, but I think I've talked enough. So, I'll just leave it with this... having a child in the NICU is ridiculous and beyond words stressful, even in our situation which I think was a sorta best-NICU-case-scenario. Even KNOWING Bailey wasn't really SICK-sick and knowing that she'd come home in the not-too-distant future. However, if she had to be in the NICU, I couldn't have asked for a better experience. I thank God for the Hubs during this time, as I can't imagine being a single parent trying to go through that. I'm also grateful to have had the extra help and education (I think they should require every new parent to do the same stuff we did! I'm so glad we had to watch those videos and take the classes!!) from the staff and to have gotten the extra hands on learning experiences we did. Lastly, I'm grateful to have been able to KNOW when we did get to take her home that she was healthy.

I cannot sing the praises of this hospital and this NICU enough.

{**Note: The Hubs did go back to work the day after her birth, in hopes of saving every second of his limited PTO for when she actually was home. He changed his hours and went to work 5am-1pm from the day after we had her to the day we got to take her home. So, he worked 5am-1pm, then was back at the hospital everyday. Such a trooper and hard worker! I was (and still am!) so proud of him. He worked so hard to be in a gazillion different places all at once. Since he was working still and we had Sadie at home, we decided it'd be best for me to sleep at the hospital in the parent room and for the Hubs to go home each night to sleep there so he'd be semi-functional the next day at work and to take care of Sadie. So, he was basically working from 5am-1pm, stopped at home to let Sadie out, then at the hospital from like 2-9pm-ish everyday. Over the weekend, he stayed at the hospital (and got up every time in the middle of the night I had to get up... even if just to pump!) with me, as well. It worked really well for us. Again, thank God for the Hubs during this time. He 100% took care of Sadie and did a lot of things around the house (took the trash out, laundry, etc.). We really took the "divide and conquer" mindset and worked as a team. We also made sure we had dinner together each night, which was really important to my mental sanity and helped us stay positive and connected during this crazy, hectic, stressful time.

 

I also ended up "working from home" half time from a few days after delivery to when Bailey was released, again to save PTO for when she came home. It worked great... thank goodness for an iPad so I could work while holding her, pumping, sitting next to her, etc. I got to be with her and save PTO so I could still have a lot of time with her when she came home. I was also still technically teaching a college class that semester. Luckily, another instructor was able to physically lead my class and I was able to keep grading the papers, again something I could do from Bailey's bedside. I'm so grateful to my employer for letting me do that. Though, to be honest, retrospectfully, I wouldn't work, even part time and even "from home" again. It added a lot more stress to me when I was already stressed enough. **}

For the record, I delivered and Bailey stayed in the NICU at Memorial Hospital.