Merry (Belated) Christmas!

Merry (belated) Christmas from Bailey, the Hubs, Sadie, and I!

We had a great baby's first Christmas, filled with family, friends, and fun. Bailey got lots of gifts and, even better, lots of snuggles with family. And, the fun's just getting started! My sisters are coming into town for a NYE-ish visit! Can't wait!!! 

So, from my family to yours-- happy holidays! 

Love, 

Meagan, The Hubs, Bailey and Sadie

First Workout!!!

Yesterday I had my 6-week postpartum check-up appointment. You can imagine how happy I was when the doctor gave me the all clear to workout again! WAHOO!!!

I immediately had thoughts of running race through my head. I could just picture myself lace up my Brooks and hit the streets with my iPod and not a care in the world, knocking out an easy double digit run. 

Yeaaaaaaaah. Then I snapped back to reality. 

Problem #1 with my little daydream: I DO have a care in the world. Lots of cares, actually. My #1 care right now has NOTHING to do with working out or getting back in shape. As a matter of fact, I'm actively trying NOT to lose any more weight to help keep my breastmilk supply good n' plentiful. My #1 care right now is BAILEY. Simple as that. 

Problem #2: I haven't run in a WHILE. Since October 11, 2013 to be exact, and even then it was a SLOOOOW 2 mile run. That's OVER 2 months of not a single step resembling a run. To think I'm going to churn out double digits is just plan stupid. 

Problem #3: How the heck would I possibly have time to get out and run right now? I have a NEWBORN! I'm alone with Bailey-bug all day and when the Hubs gets home at 5:30ish, I'd MUCH rather spend time with him and Bailey and Sadie (yes, the dog counts!!) as a family than alone... even if it means not running right now. 

So, my daydream quickly died. And, you know what... I was totally OK with that. I'd LOVE to go for a run right now. I can't lie about that. But, I'd much rather be doing what I'm doing. Will I eventually get our for a run, yes. Of course. Maybe even this weekend. We'll see. But, am I chomping at the bit? Nope. Not really. When it happens, it happens. 

But, that doesn't mean I can't do ANY workout. While I don't want to give up any Bailey time to workout, girl does nap. Now, in the past I might nap with her, but lately I've actually been getting relatively decent sleep (spoiler for her 6-week update!), so I don't need quite as many naps. And, while her naps may not be the longest and who knows if she'll start crying mid-way through, I figured it was worth a shot. Worst that could happen would be I'd stop. Simple. So, while I can't get outside (and I don't own a treadmill... drat!) for a run during her naps, I can do SOMETHING.

So, I did. Today I had my first workout in 6 weeks. I'd love to say I was smiling the whole time and that it was easy peasy and I jumped right back to the fitness level I was at pre-pregnancy-- that would be a BIG, FAT LIE. I'm WAY outta shape. Like, WAAAAAY outta shape. And, that's OK. Of course I am! Hello. I just HAD A BABY. I'm SUPPOSED to be outta shape. Even though I stayed active and worked out through my pregnancy (which, for the record, I DO think helped me stay in decent shape... or at least better than had I not done that), I still haven't done ANYTHING resembling a workout in 6 weeks (unless you could carrying her in the car seat, which is freaking heavy!). So, NO! I did not jump back in where I left off. DUH! I KNEW I wouldn't, which I think really helped me not be crushed at just how tough the workout was. Who knew having realistic expectations would pay off? Learn something new everyday.

So, what did I do? Not a lot, to be honest. But, I think it was a great start and way to ease me SLOWLY back into things....

20 minutes of a sorta total-body toning workout.

Lots of lunges, squats, arm work (bi's, tri's, etc.), leg lifts, crunches, etc. I focused on doing more than one move at once, to make the most of my limited time. For example, instead of doing just squats, I did squats and bicep curls at the same time. 

I even did some planks. I could BARELY hold a plank for one minute before my arms were shaking so bad I thought they'd fall off. 

I finished the workout off with 3 minutes of running (ok... more like fast walking) up and down the stairs. 

Don't worry, Hubs-- I was careful and used the handrail. I didn't slip or fall once! 

This little, 20-minute workout had be sweating like crazy... which actually kinda felt great... it's been WEEKS since I sweated from a workout and not just from hot flashes at night (speaking of-- WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT CRAZY NIGHT SWEATS POST-BABY?!?!). To say this workout kicked my ass would be an understatement. I will most definitely be crazy sore tomorrow. Confession? I'm kinda looking forward to it! Again, it's been WEEKS since I felt that great-workout soreness. 

So, I'll say workout #1 was a success! Will I get a workout in everyday? Nope. Not even close. Is that my goal? NOPE. Not even a little. I'm hoping for a few times a week at first. But, really I have very little expectations. My only GOAL right now is to stay healthy and enjoy every, single moment I have while I'm home on leave with Bailey. I can't believe 6 weeks have already flown by. Working out is pretty far down on the priority list... and, that's OK. 

Bailey: One Month

Bailey is well beyond one month at this point... a whopping 5 weeks, 4 days! But, we'll rewind and pretend she just turned one month! 

Age: One Month

It's BEYOND crazy that at 4 weeks, she technically wasn't even supposed to be here yet. Like, my brain cannot wrap itself around that fact. I can't believe she's already a month old, too! Time is FLYING by!!!


Weight: 6 pounds, 4 ounces
Height: 20 inches

Girl is growing everyday! Doctor would like a bit more weight gain, so we have another appointment before our usual 2-month check up to check her weight. To be honest, I'm 100% ok with her weight gain thus far. She's gained every week consistently, so I'm happy. I think she just might be a slow gainer which is not all that abnormal for both preemies and breast fed babies. We'll see what the doc says next week.


Sleep: About 2-3 hour stretches

The doctor has us on a strict no-more-than-3-hour schedule for feedings, as she needs to pack on the pounds. So, we've never really given her the opportunity to "sleep through the night." I have to wake her up pretty frequently to eat, so I think she'd at least go a bit longer than 3 hours at a time. Who knows though. She loves to sleep, when she wants to. If she doesn't want to sleep, girl will have nothing to do with it. To sleep-sleep (at night), she must be swaddled, even though she fights it. 

Generally at night I've been nursing her to sleep (I know some people say not to do that... whatever. It works right now!), but for her naps during the day, she puts herself to sleep in either the vibrating seat (usually w/o the vibration turned on) or the swing (again, usually w/o the swing turned on) or in my arms when we're snuggling. She doesn't need total quiet or lights off. Overall, I'd say she's a pretty good sleeper. 


Awake Time:

Bailey can stay awake for LONG stretches, if she wants. She hasn't really fallen into a "routine" at this point... but, sometimes she'll sleep between feedings, while sometimes she'll stay awake the ENTIRE stretch between feedings. Crazy, girl! While some people may say if she's awake that much it'll effect her night time sleep, I haven't found this to be true... yet. But, again- we're waking every 2-3 hours all. the. time. so I might just haven't had the chance to see it effect it yet. We'll see. 


Nursing/Eating: 
It's going really well! Like I said, she's gained weight each week (even if the silly doctor doesn't think it's ENOUGH of a gain). She feeds every 2-3 hours for about 10-18 minutes per side, each side each feeding. So, we nurse 1 side for about 10-18 minutes, change her diaper, then do the other side which in total takes about 40 minutes. Then, 2-3 hours later (counting from when we START each feeding... so, really it's more like 80-100 minutes later, max) we do it all again. 

Clearly this pic has nothing to do with nursing... but, HOW CUTE ARE BABY SANTA FEET?!?!? I die.

I've gone to a free breast feeding support group 1-2 times a week each week since we've been released. I would HIGHLY suggest doing this if you have the opportunity. Though nursing has been going well, it's SO helpful to talk to other b-feeding moms, the lactation consultants, and to get her weighed so often. Seriously. Love these meetings. The lactation consultants all comment on how well Bailey's doing, especially for being a preemie. She's got a great latch and goes to town like a champ. Sometimes I have to wake her up to make sure she's getting a full feeding, but generally she does pretty good with this too. Overall, I am THRILLED with how b-feeding is going. 

I should note we are using a nipple shield. TMI? Oh well. Anyway-- I credit a LOT of our b-feeding success to using this. It protects my nipples so they aren't crazy sore (which I know is a big complaint of a lot of women) and helps her latch easier. The lactation consultants suggested it when we first tried b-feeding in the NICU and it's worked like a charm. Is it a pain in the ass because I lose the stupid things (seriously-- can't they make those neon pink and glow in the dark?!?!) and because I have to clean them all the time, but whatever. They work. I'm totally OK with them. 

I'm also still pumping 3-4 times a day. So, there hasn't been ONE DAY since she was born when I haven't pumped. For the record, I HATE THE PUMP!!! But, it helps keep my supply up and I've stock piled a pretty decent frozen milk supply for when I go back to work.

She is getting 1 small bottle a day with an iron and vitamin D supplement. She was introduced to a pacifier in the NICU, so she's never had any issues with nipple confusion or taking a bottle and then going right to the breast. Again, I think the nipple shield also helps with this, as it's much more similar to a bottle nipple than a real nipple. Works for us!


Likes: Snuggling, naps, music, spending time with Daddy & Sadie

I have much "better" pics of them... but, this one CRACKS me up and I loooove it!!!

She also LOVES looking at lights. Christmas tree lights, a lamp, whatever. She just loves lights. She loves her swing, too. 


Dislikes: Baths (I think she gets cold), diaper changes (again with the cold), and being naked. Girl HATES all things involved with taking any clothes off. Oh, and she also HATES getting into her car seat, though she likes actually being in it after she gets all strapped in. Goof. 

(This is one of her professional newborn pics... LOVE them!!!)

Hit or Miss: Bailey is kinda indifferent on being warn. We borrowed a Moby wrap from a friend and some days Bailey loves it, some days she wants nothing to do with it. 

She's also pretty hit or miss about tummy time. Again, some days she seems to like it, some days she SCREAMS her head off. Girl just can't make up her mind. 

Sadie's not sure about this whole squirming, noisy baby-thing. For the record: Sadie has been GREAT with her. She sniffs her a lot and still isn't quite sure if Bailey's here to stay, but she's been great with her. They're already best friends. 

Special Moment(s): 
I mean, there were a gazillion! Accidental smiles, cute (they're cute when they're your childs, I promise!!) tooting noises, snuggles... so many!!!! Every moment, even the blood curdling screams (which happen... girl HATES getting that damn diaper changed!) are special moments that I know will be gone before I know it. This time is SO special!

We did get to experience her first Thanksgiving when she was 17 days old. 

Photo-bombed by my nephew! 

She also got to meet all her Aunts and Uncles and cousins!!! She loves being held by her Aunts and her grandparents!!





I just cannot believe she's already a month old!! Seriously. I know everyone says it, but turns out they're all right: TIME FLIES BY!!! I can't believe how fast it's gone. It makes me SO SAD to think my leave is already a third over and this special time is getting closer to being over. I can't even think about that or I tear up. Ok, stop thinking about it, Meagan.

So, that's our little Bailey-bug at one month. Love this little girl more than I will ever be able to explain.

Our Experience in the NICU

(Warning: This post might be a little scattered brained... not only am I on like 5 hours of broken up sleep, but I also just have so much to say, but am not really sure how to organize all my thoughts... so, bare with me. Also, this post is hella long. Again.)

 

As I said in our birth story, about 45 minutes after she was born, Bailey was taken to the NICU. Hardest moment of my life thus far. To see your perfect little baby who just came out of your belly be carted away and have there be NOTHING you can do is absolutely terrifying, even in the best of circumstances-- which we had. I KNEW, in my head, nothing was seriously "wrong" with Bailey, as they let her stay with us for so long. I knew she wasn't "sick"... but, in the heat of the moment, none of that mattered. All that mattered was she wasn't with me and that SOMETHING was wrong.

When they took her to the NICU, the Hubs went with her. That was something we talked about long before. I'm sorta a pessimist (me?!?! Never!) and so we talked about some of the worst-case scenario things and the Hubs and I both felt very strongly that Bailey not be left without someone who loved her, so he would go with her, no matter what. It helped a TON that the Hubs parents were there, so they stayed with me while the nurse finished cleaning me up and such. They were able to distract me so the full impact of Bailey leaving didn't hit as hard as I'm sure it would have had I been left alone. Huge, HUGE thank you to my inlaws for being SO amazing during this time.

After a few minutes of getting cleaned up, and the nurse wheeled me in a wheelchair (despite me asking if I could walk) to the NICU to see Bailey again with my in-laws following. We all went into the NICU and FINALLY (ok, it was like 15 minutes, but if felt like eternity!) I got to see my little girl again.

To see her again was amazing... but, I can't lie and say it didn't break my heart into a gazillion pieces to see her hooked up to so many tubes. The Hubs, who had been there the whole time, had to see her get poked and prodded and get an IV line put into her little teeny hand... I honestly can't imagine having to watch that.

<This seems like a good point to pause and mention just how AMAZING the Hubs was through all of this and still is!

I think sometimes we overlook how hard things can be on the man when delivering a baby... and he was AMAZING. Through labor and through everything in the NICU and since then... AMAZING. He never let Bailey out of his sight for HOURS, talking to her and touching her little hand to make sure she knew she was loved and safe. I honestly can't imagine going through it without him. Since having Bailey and going through 10 long days in the NICU, we're bonded in a new way I never knew possible. To say he's my rock (though so cliche) would be an understatement. Words will never be able to describe how wonder he was/is and how grateful I am to have him as my husband and as Bailey's father. Girl is the luckiest child in the world to have him as her Daddy. I can't stress enough how much harder everything would have been without him there, by my side. He was amazing. He is amazing.>

Ok, back to the story...

So, when I got to the NICU, the nurses and doctor explained that Bailey's lungs weren't quite fully developed yet, as they are the last thing to develop in womb. So, she needed some extra help breathing. There are a bazillion medical terms I could try to remember to throw out to better explain things, but that's really the jist of it. The doctor assured me Bailey wasn't SICK... she just needed a little extra help, as she wasn't quite done baking just yet. Again, I'm minimizing all the details, but really-- that's the really the main idea.

I tried to breastfeed while we were still in the labor and delivery room before they took Bailey to the NICU, but she didn't take to it. Because she was had a ginormous breathing tube thing in she couldn't try again until she would be taken off that (called a CPAP), so they also had to put a feeding tube in. I was really upset at this, as I really, REALLY wanted to breast feed. Luckily, the hospital staff was AMAZING and encouraged me to start pumping from day 1, and had lactation consultants there to cheer me on and encourage me, especially as the first time I pumped I literally only had ONE DROP come out... I'm sure had they not been there to tell me that was all I was supposed to be producing that early and to keep at it I would have gotten discouraged and stopped. I can't thank the lactation consultants enough. I kept at it and Bailey was given only breast milk through the tube (in addition to some other nutrients and proteins, but never formula).

The first 2 days, while I was still in the hospital as a patient myself, were a blur of sitting by her side, pumping every 2 hours-- all day and night-- and holding her skin to skin (kangaroo-care is VERY important especially with preemies). Either the Hubs or I were with her almost every second for the first 48-hours. We were lucky in that we COULD hold her... a lot of the babies in the NICU were so sick, not even their parents could hold them. I would have lost my mind, so I am SO SO SOOO grateful we could hold Bailey all we wanted. Grandparents were allowed to hold her, as well. But, that was it. No other visitors (like my sister or the Hubs brother) were even allowed to touch her in hopes of keeping her as germ-free as possible.

Anyway, after 2 days, I was released. (Note: I'll talk more about my "recovery" in another post.) This was hands down the hardest day of my life thus far. When you're pregnant, you spend so much time thinking of the moment you leave the hospital with your little baby... and, I didn't get that. I was released and told I could go home, but that Bailey could not. It could not have been farther from what I imagined all those months I was pregnant. The Hubs and I left the hospital that evening, drove the 5-minutes it took us to get home (while I cried the whole drive), took Sadie for a 10-minute walk, and turned right back around and went back to the hospital. Those were the 20ish hardest minutes. Words can't describe how hard it was to leave without her. When I was pregnant I imagined what it would be like to walk into my house for the first time after labor, with this little, perfect baby in my arms... and, I didn't have that. There was no baby in my arms. Even though I KNEW she wouldn't be in the NICU that long and I KNEW I'd get to take her home soon... still. My heart didn't know. Or couldn't remember it in those minutes. Just thinking about it makes me cry right now.

I spent that first night I was released at home with the Hubs. I can't lie-- It was nice to sleep in my own bed and shower in my own shower. It was also so hard. I was still up every 2 hours to pump (so, to all you people who say "At least you got some extra sleep!"-- bullcrap!) and just missing her so much. At 5am the next morning, I was back at the hospital, by Bailey's side.

The NICU at the hospital we delivered at was AMAZING. I cannot say enough good things about the staff and facility. After sleeping at home the first night I was released, I decided I wanted to stay at the NICU, as it was just too hard not being with her and knowing I was right there if she needed me. Not to mention, I was still up pumping every 2 hours and I was exhausted. The Hubs didn't think me driving back and forth from the hospital at all hours wasn't safe, as I was just so tired. Luckily, the NICU had several "parent rooms" that parents with children in the NICU could stay in for free. Basically, they were hospital rooms... well, sort of. The room I stayed in had a pull out couch, TV, and bathroom with no tub or shower (there were communal showers available, but I never used them). Basically, all I needed, especially since I was really only ever in the room to sleep for the next several days. I was SO grateful to have this available to me.

In addition to the room, I was able to get a free lunch from the hospital cafeteria delivered to me in the NICU everyday I was there, since I was pumping/breastfeeding. Again, BEST HOSPITAL EVER. Not only could get a free lunch, the Hubs and I could also both utilize the Ronald McDonald Room located down the hall from the NICU for free snacks, breakfast, and a home cooked nightly dinner.

I took advantage of the parent room and meals for every day and for every meal during the entire time Bailey was in the NICU. I stayed with Bailey almost all day, every day for the remainder of her stay. I left each day 1-2 times... one to shower and see Sadie at home (poor dog was so confused!!) and one sometimes to run an errand to Target or somewhere. Turns out, when  you have a baby so early you don't have a bunch of the stuff you'll need when she gets home... for example, we had ZERO newborn size diapers and TWO newborn size outfits. Lots of Target and Babies R Us trips happened. I was never gone for more than an hour and a half, as she had her "checks" (diaper change, temperature, and feeding) every 2 hours and if I was there, I could help with most of it and I always wanted to do that.

After she was in the NICU for a few days (the exact timeline kinda eludes me... it's all a bit of a jumble), she was able to come off the oxygen, which was great. One less tube! It made it SO MUCH easier to hold her. Sadly, she had to go back on the oxygen the next day as her numbers went back down. But, they came back up the day after and she was off it for good from then on. But, as any parent with a child in the NICU learns quickly, things are often one step forward, two steps backward. Right when the oxygen stuff sorted itself out, she developed jaundice, which is very common in newborns. She had to then go under a bili light to treat it.

(Bad pic, sorry... I didn't take any pics of her under the lights, so this came from a video I took)

Sadly, during this time she needed to be under the light as much as possible to get rid of the jaundice, so we weren't able to hold her as much. That was tough, but we knew it was what was best for her.

During this time, they also had to keep pricking her foot a few times a day to test her blood sugar. I hated those times! So hard to see your child get poked so much. Even worse, she pulled her IV out and had to get a new one... they had to try 12 different places (including two ON HER HEAD!!) before they found a good vein. Now, if you've ever had blood drawn and had a nurse miss your vein you KNOW how much that hurts and sucks. Poor girl had it happen 12 times IN A ROW. Makes me cringe even now. She was such a trooper, though. Girl has some serious fight in her!

Anyway- her jaundice cleared up in a few days later. So, she was off CPAP (the breathing treatment) and off the bili light! The next hurdle to tackle was getting her to eat. As I mentioned, she was exclusively getting my breast milk through a feeding tube up to this point. Now that she didn't have as many big tubes and didn't have to be under the light, the doctor gave us the green light to try breastfeeding. I was extremely nervous, as most preemies don't take to breastfeeding well, since they didn't develop the skill right away after birth. By this point, Bailey was almost a week old and we were JUST going to try. I was preparing myself for it to not work and to have to continue to pump (which SUUUUCKS, btw. I HATE the pump!!). I was SHOCKED when Bailey immediately took to the breast. Ok, maybe not IMMEDIATELY... her first few times she only got a couple sucks in, but, again, the staff was SO encouraging and we kept at it and she had it down by a few days. I was (and still am! Spoiler alert: breastfeeding is still happening and going well!) SO happy she took to it so well.

After a day or two of b-feeding going well, Bailey started rapidly improving. The jaundice was pretty much gone, her breathing tubes out, and now the feeding tube was out and we were exclusively nursing. NO MORE CORDS!! Ok, she still had a few-- just to monitor her heart rate, but it was small and easily manageable.

Then, the hospital let the Hubs and I take Bailey "home"... well, to our temporary home of our parent room. Again-- BEST NICU EVER. We were able to take Bailey in a portable crib to our room and have her with us 24/7 for the last 3-4 days she was in the NICU, bringing her out only to be checked every few hours and if we needed to leave. It was AMAZING to have her with us as a FAMILY with no nurses around. It felt, FINALLY, like we were getting close to going HOME and really being a family.

Our parent room... look! It even had ART on the walls! Fancy!!

Having the opportunity to care for her in our room, while knowing there was a team of nurses 10 steps away was AMAZING. It felt SO GOOD to finally have her tube/cord free and to be really CARING for her on our "own", but at the same time having a security blanket right down the hall. I would NEVER wish having a baby in the NICU on anyone, but this was really nice!

Now, it wasn't 100% smooth sailing from here on... she was still dropping weight and got as low as 5 pounds, 1 ounce (down from her birth weight of 5 pounds, 10 ounces). The doctor was nervous that she wasn't getting enough milk from nursing and was close to suggesting we supplement with formula. Plus, her jaundice came back. Of course. Again, 1 step forward, 2 back. The doc wouldn't release Bailey til she started gaining and wanted to see her jaundice numbers go down too. Luckily, the day before we were going to start supplementing with formula, she start gained a smidge. Gaining weight helps the jaundice go away too, so that number went down a smidge. And, a smidge was enough! We could TAKE HER HOME!!!

After 10 days in the NICU, we took her home, after the NICU requiring us to take an infant CPR class, watch a safe-sleep and car-safety DVD, and have our car seat inspected, on November 20 at 6pm!

And, then we were HOME. Finally. Safely. And healthy. And, just like that, our journey with the NICU was over.

I've already said it a gazillion times, but let me stress one more time how AMAZING the NICU was to us. Again, I'd never wish on ANYONE to have a child in the NICU. Ever. But, OMG. The staff and facility were amazing. I couldn't have asked for any better. I never even encountered one rude person. Ever. The nurses, lactation consultants, and doctor were BEYOND helpful and amazing. I can't sing their praises enough. I would not have gotten through it without their amazing support. Seriously. Again, just thinking about how AMAZING they all were makes me tear up. I owe them each more than I'll ever be able to repay or explain. Worth every cent (and, trust me-- it was a WHOLE LOTTA cents!).

There are a million other things I could say about our experience with the NICU, but I think I've talked enough. So, I'll just leave it with this... having a child in the NICU is ridiculous and beyond words stressful, even in our situation which I think was a sorta best-NICU-case-scenario. Even KNOWING Bailey wasn't really SICK-sick and knowing that she'd come home in the not-too-distant future. However, if she had to be in the NICU, I couldn't have asked for a better experience. I thank God for the Hubs during this time, as I can't imagine being a single parent trying to go through that. I'm also grateful to have had the extra help and education (I think they should require every new parent to do the same stuff we did! I'm so glad we had to watch those videos and take the classes!!) from the staff and to have gotten the extra hands on learning experiences we did. Lastly, I'm grateful to have been able to KNOW when we did get to take her home that she was healthy.

I cannot sing the praises of this hospital and this NICU enough.

{**Note: The Hubs did go back to work the day after her birth, in hopes of saving every second of his limited PTO for when she actually was home. He changed his hours and went to work 5am-1pm from the day after we had her to the day we got to take her home. So, he worked 5am-1pm, then was back at the hospital everyday. Such a trooper and hard worker! I was (and still am!) so proud of him. He worked so hard to be in a gazillion different places all at once. Since he was working still and we had Sadie at home, we decided it'd be best for me to sleep at the hospital in the parent room and for the Hubs to go home each night to sleep there so he'd be semi-functional the next day at work and to take care of Sadie. So, he was basically working from 5am-1pm, stopped at home to let Sadie out, then at the hospital from like 2-9pm-ish everyday. Over the weekend, he stayed at the hospital (and got up every time in the middle of the night I had to get up... even if just to pump!) with me, as well. It worked really well for us. Again, thank God for the Hubs during this time. He 100% took care of Sadie and did a lot of things around the house (took the trash out, laundry, etc.). We really took the "divide and conquer" mindset and worked as a team. We also made sure we had dinner together each night, which was really important to my mental sanity and helped us stay positive and connected during this crazy, hectic, stressful time.

 

I also ended up "working from home" half time from a few days after delivery to when Bailey was released, again to save PTO for when she came home. It worked great... thank goodness for an iPad so I could work while holding her, pumping, sitting next to her, etc. I got to be with her and save PTO so I could still have a lot of time with her when she came home. I was also still technically teaching a college class that semester. Luckily, another instructor was able to physically lead my class and I was able to keep grading the papers, again something I could do from Bailey's bedside. I'm so grateful to my employer for letting me do that. Though, to be honest, retrospectfully, I wouldn't work, even part time and even "from home" again. It added a lot more stress to me when I was already stressed enough. **}

For the record, I delivered and Bailey stayed in the NICU at Memorial Hospital.

Bailey: Birth Story

I wish I had a bunch of pics to lighten this post up, but I have very, very few. So, this is a very word-heavy post. You’ve been warned!

Another Warning: I’m dumb. I mean, we’ve been through this before, right? Well, it’s about to become even more apparent when you see just how many signs I was able to convince myself were nothing. Again—you gotta remember, I’m dumb. Ok… now that we’ve established that, let’s get to it…

I woke up Monday, 11/11 morning at about 2am feeling very uncomfortable. I decided to move down to the couch in the living room, because for whatever reason, the couch had been more comfortable than the bed to me for a few weeks. Waking up in the middle of the night not feeling great was most definitely nothing new. I had trouble sleeping my entire pregnancy, so I really thought nothing of it. Every other time when I woke up in the middle of the night, I just kinda laid there in the dark and hoped I’d fall back asleep (usually to no avail), but this time I just had a feeling (sign #1!) that I wasn’t gonna get back to sleep, so I actually turned the lights on in the living room and messed around on the iPad. I quickly started feeling period-like cramps (sign #2). But, again, I didn’t think much of it. I had experienced cramps a few times before during pregnancy, so I just thought it was that and didn’t really give it another thought for a few hours. Around 4am, I was still cramping so decided to start timing them. Note: I still thought they were CRAMPING, not contractions (Spoiler: They were contractions). Remember that whole me being dumb thing? Yeah. Anyway- the cramps kept coming, but not at any concrete pattern. Ok, ok—retrospectfully, they were probably consistent enough, but I thought they’d fall into an exact pattern and they didn’t, so I thought it was nothing and all in my head. Did they get more intense? I don’t know… again, retrospectfully, maybe… but, at the time I really didn’t think so. I had read somewhere during my pregnancy that the human body can only physically experience a certain level of pain and everything above that is mental. I reminded myself of this around then and was able to convince myself all the pain was in my head (Spoiler: It was NOT in my head).

I didn't know it at the time, but this was my last belly shot... taken the week before delivery at 34 weeks.

 

So, by now it was about 4am and I had been up for 2 hours feeling cramps every 10ish minutes… though again—at the time there didn’t seem to be any consistent pattern… some came every 10 minutes, some every 8 minutes, some not for 12 minutes. Now I know that’s close enough to a pattern, but in my head I thought pattern meant every 10 minutes. Period. So, since they weren’t, I thought it was nothing. At about 5am, I decided to take a warm bath, as I read that a bath can help elevate cramping. I woke the hubs up and told him I thought I was having some contractions and was going to take a bath. While in the bath, the cramps “stopped” (sign #3), so again—I thought clearly it was all in my head and I was crazy, since they stopped. Now I know they didn’t STOP… the bath just did what they say it does—helps them not be as intense. The minute I got out of the bath, I started feeling them again, but they didn’t seem as bad. Why? I have no idea. I think it’s because I was telling myself over and over that it was nothing. So, I started getting ready for work. I dried my hair and put on make-up, like every other morning.

At about 6:30am, I went to the bathroom. TMI—but, it was #2 (sign #4) which I know now was my body’s way of starting to prepare for labor… at the time I just thought it was poop! Anyway- when I wiped (told you it was TMI!) there was blood (sign #5). Not just a little spotting… blood. But, again- somehow, I thought it was nothing. In every doctor’s visit they ask if there’s been any bleeding or spotting, like it’s normal. So, I thought it was normal (STUPID MEAGAN!). I yelled up to the Hubs (who was still in bed) while I was still on the toilet to let him know I was bleeding. Poor guy! He was dressed with shoes and coat on saying “let’s go to the hospital!” before I even got up from the toilet. He’s a keeper! Anyway- I told him to chill and that I was sure it was nothing and that I’d CALL my doctor, but that we weren’t rushing to the hospital. So, I called and told the doctor everything. She didn’t seem worried at all and told me to go ahead to work and that if I still felt crummy at 10am to come in to the office. Deal.

So, around 7:15am, me and the Hubs left for the day. That’s right—we left together. Of COURSE we took my car into the shop the day before so we only had 1 car between the 2 of us. Of course. So, we decided I’d drop the Hubs off at his office and take the car, in case I needed to go into the doctor’s office later. So, I dropped him off and started driving toward my office (note: from his office to my office is about 3 miles). I didn’t even get a mile down the road before I had to pull over and puke (sign #6). I debated with myself for a few minutes about what to do and decided I’d go to the doctor’s office. It was about 7:20am and they opened at 8am, so I just decided to head over and wait til they opened, that way I wouldn’t be one of those crazy preggo women who go to the hospital when not in real labor, but I would also get checked out. I was still 100% convinced I was not in labor.

So, I drove to the doctor's office and waited in my car for about a half and hour for the doctor's office to open. While waiting I called work and told them I was at the doctor, assuring them I'd be in by the afternoon as I was sure it was nothing. Famous last words. In the same call, I had to wait a moment to finish my sentence, as I had another "cramp" and had to breathe through it (sign #7). STILL- I thought I was crazy and making everything up in my head and that the doctor would tell me I was fine and to stop being a lunatic.   

At 8am, I walked into the doctor's office. I explained everything to the nurse and she said I had a great plan to come there instead of the hospital, but sadly none of the doctors were in that day til 9am. OF COURSE. So, they suggested I go over to the hospital and get checked out, just in case.

So, I got back in the car. The hospital is literally across the street from my doctor's office, yet as I made the drive I had to pull over twice to puke two more times (sign #8). As I walked into the doctor's office I STILL thought they'd check me and I'd be one of those crazy women and I'd be back in the office by lunch.

I walked into Labor and Delivery at 8:15am and, of course, there was another women checking in who looked cool, calm, and collected. I started crying because I was sure they were going to tell me it was nothing, yet those "cramps" were starting to hurt a bit more. I was crazy emotional all the sudden (sign #9). The nurse asked if she should check me in first and I said no, assuring her I was fine. Uh huh. Fine and CRAZY, clearly.

So, she checked cool preggo lady in and then started checking me in. As she was taking my insurance card and things I apparently had another contraction (we'll go ahead and start calling them this as they were clearly not cramps anymore) and the nurse asked me how often the contractions were happening. I told her I wasn't sure, but maybe every 10 minutes. She kept checking me in and I had another one. The nurse said the contractions were clearly closer than 10 minutes and that she wanted to get me back to get checked right then. So we stopped filling out paper work and she took me back to triage to get checked.

A few seconds later and I was laying on a stretcher-thing in a gown with a nurse checking me. She told me she guessed I was going to check out fine as I was "so calm", but then she actually checked. And I was NINE CENTIMETERS DIALATED. She was SHOCKED, however not nearly as shocked as I was. I asked "So, does that mean I'm having a baby today?" and she said she wanted to have someone else check me because she wasn't sure I could be this "calm" (even though in my head I was FREAKING THE F OUT) and be so far. But, after another nurse confirmed I was 9 centimeters, they told me I was infact having a baby that day. I was immediately worried, as I was 5 weeks and 1 day early. I was worried she was too little and needed more time to bake, but the doctor and nurses assured me that while she was early, she wasn't too early and that everything would be OK.

I called the Hubs and told him he needed to get to the hospital NOW because I was 9 centimeters. What I did not think about was that he had NO idea what 9 centimeters meant because our labor and delivery class was in TWO weeks. Whoops. Luckily, he told me later, I "sounded serious" so he hauled ass to the hospital. WAY luckily, one of his two other co-workers happened to be in the office already and was able to drive him to this hospital, as I had his car. Had his co-worker not been there... geez! I don't even want to think about it!

They continued checking me in and moving me over to the delivery room. I don't really remember much of the details around now as I think KNOWING I was in labor made everything suddenly much more real and thus hurt much more. I do remember puking 1 more time all over the floor. Poor nurses! Speaking of nurses, I remember one saying "Want an epidural? Just kidding! It's too late to get one!" Yeah. Not funny, dude. However, I did not want one, so that ended up being for the best. The doctor came in and checked me and told me my water bag sack-thing (technical term right there) and the babies head were "right there". He broke my water and told me it'd be time to start pushing as soon as I felt the urge.

The Hubs arrived (after 15-20 minutes after I called, I think), and it was time for me to start pushing. Again, I don't really remember much... I kept my eyes closed (not really intentionally.... just did) pretty much the entire time. In fact, I didn't even realize there were 2 doctors down there til after she was born.  I remember the Hubs saying he could "see her head... and 1 ear!" and I remember me BEGGING the doctor to just "pull her out of me" and the doctor very calmly telling me no and that I would have to push her out. I remember not believing when they told me I was doing good at pushing or that she was close because I thought I would FEEL something different and all I could feel was PAIN. I asked someone how long I'd have to push, as I do much better with an end in mind. They told me about 10 minutes and they were spot on.

A few minutes later, at 9:22am on Monday, November 11, 2013, just over an hour after I arrived at the hospital, Bailey Elizabeth entered the world and stole me and the Hubs hearts forever.

They immediately placed Bailey to my chest and I was just in complete shock and had never, ever felt such immediate and overwhelming love. The Hubs asked the doctor to delay cutting the cord (which we had discussed but I cannot believe he remembered... 10 bonus points to the Hubs!), which they did and then the Hubs cut the cord. They left her on my chest for 10 minutes-ish before measuring and weighing her. While they did all that, the doctor's finished working on me... I had a small tear and had to birth the placenta (which, btw, is HUGE and hurt WAY more than I was expecting!).  

They brought her back to me and told me she scored an 8/9 on the apgar test, but that she seemed to be grunting more while breathing than they'd like. They said they'd give her a few more minutes and if it didn't get better they'd call the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). So, they left us for the first time as a FAMILY. The Hubs got to hold her and I got to hold her more.

 

To say we were immediately in love would be an understatement.

 

 

Unfortunately we really didn't get many pics, as we were not really prepared or expecting this to happen on this day. Oh well. Clearly, things don't always work out the way you plan.

Anyway- the nurses came back in and Bailey wasn't doing any better with the grunting, so they called the NICU. The NICU took her to a warmer on the other side of the room to check her out. The Hubs went with her and that was one of the toughest moments of my life (another tough one came a few days later... we'll get to that), as I didn't know what was wrong or how serious it was and the Hubs looked so worried. Remembering those moments makes me tear up even now.

The NICU said they wanted to give her a few more minutes to see if she could work it out on her own and that they'd be back to check in 10 more minutes. Luckily, the Hubs parents arrived at this time and got to see and hold her for the first time!

After a few minutes, the NICU staff came back and said she wasn't getting better and that they were going to take her to the NICU. I was still kinda in shock. Luckily, the Hubs parents were there to kinda distract me while they took Bailey out of the room (the Hubs went with Bailey, as it was important to both of us that she not be alone) to the NICU or I likely would have had a complete breakdown. Again, extremely hard moment and not at all how I was expecting to leave the labor and delivery wing.

After I finished getting cleaned up, they took me straight to the NICU.

I'll write more about the NICU stay and everything later... but, let me just say having a baby in the NICU is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

I stayed with her for as long as they'd let me before taking me to my room so I could get checked out and settled in. Again, the Hubs stayed with Bailey and my inlaws came with me. My little sister, who happened to be visiting some friends that weekend who lived 2 hours away, and her boyfriend came immediately, so I got to see them at this point to and they got to meet Bailey (though they couldn't hold or even touch her because she was in the NICU). So nice to have their extra support, too. BIG, BIIIIG thank you to my inlaws and my sister and her boyfriend for being SO AMAZING during these first few hours. Well, I mean- they're always amazing, but they were extra amazing during this time! :)

After getting checked out and cleaned up a bit, I went back to the NICU and held Bailey again. My heart continued to melt. Lil' girl had me wrapped around her finger already.

So, that was the birth story! Pretty strange, especially for a first time mom. I was SURE I was going to go late, so I'm definitely still in shock that she came so early. How I managed to convince myself over and over that morning that it was nothing... I have no idea. Now looking back on it, it seems so clear. But, everyone says you’ll “just know” when you’re having real contractions and in labor. BULLSHIT. I call complete bullshit to that MYTH. Let me tell you… I didn’t know. MAYBE if all of these things had happened and I was 40 weeks I would have put them all together and known. Maybe. But, as it was—I most definitely did not know at the time. Either way, Bailey came!

Honestly, the birth part was really easy all things considered. I wanted a natural delivery and I got one! I never had any pressure from anyone to get Pitocin to speed things up or a C-section or an epidural or anything and I tore naturally and only needed like 5 stiches. At the end of the day... I had a pretty easy labor and delivery. The pain didn't hurt as much as I thought (the marathon hurt way more!). Birthing the placenta hurt more than I expected, though. If I could control it, I clearly would have rather had Bailey get her full cooking time than an easy labor, but life just doesn't always work out the way we'd like it to.

I'll write more about the NICU stay and everything that's happened between then and now soon. Long story short, after a VERY LONG 10 day stay in the NICU, Bailey is home now, safe and sound and HEALTY and HAPPY. No cliff hanger this time. :)

I'm back... again!

I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

(source)

Yes. It has been FOUR months since my last post. I know, I know. I dropped off the face of the planet. Again. For the gazillionth time. I know.

 

I could make a million excuses, but for what? Life happened. End of story.

 

Ok… maybe not END of story… in fact, “life happening” kinda started a new story…

 

May I introduce our daughter, Miss Bailey Elizabeth...

Born November 11, 2013 ~ 5 pounds, 10 ounces

 

So, clearly I have a FEW excuses and life most certainly did happen. In a big, BIG way. More on that soon (including the fact that she’s already here and, if you remember, isn’t supposed to be for another week. If you’re doing your math that makes her grand arrival 5 weeks, 1 day earlier than expected!).

So, I’d like to start blogging again. Maybe not as often as before. Ok, most definitely not as often as before (turns out taking care of a newborn is pretty darn time consuming... who knew?!?). And, I 100% admit the theme will be baby-central for a bit, as I’m not really doing anything else right now except being a Mom (ok, and a wife). I’m on maternity leave from work and I’m on a strict no-workout for 6-weeks doctor’s order. So, yes—there will be LOTS of baby talk. To be honest, that’s my main motivation for wanting to start blogging again. To be able to write down all the little things as they happen so I don’t forget. Life has been FLYING by (I swear, I have no idea how the day goes so fast!) and I don’t want to look back in a few months or years and not be able to remember these moments. So, if you’re not interested in reading a birth story or one-month updates or anything like that… that’s cool. Check back in a few weeks and some of the baby talk may have died down. Or it might now. I have no idea. I’ve never defined this blog as anything other than how I manage my life. Welp, my life now includes an adorable, perfect little girl who has captured my heart in a way I never knew possible. So, maybe the baby talk will die down, maybe it won’t. I have no idea and I’m 100% ok with that. Read, don’t read. Either way, I (hopefully!) be here… writing.