Elias: 8 Month Update

Age: 8 Months. How? I'll never understand. I swear to you, he was just born last week. No. Freaking. Way. Is he 8 months old. No. Way.

And, I know. I'm a terrible, terrible mom for missing month updates. Ugh. I tried. I failed. I'll work on it. But, let's do a quick pic recap to make me feel a little better about my mother failure.

 

Stats:

Weight: About 20 pounds. Bub is SOLID. He's got rolls for days and I love every inch of them.

Height: No freaking clue. I think he's short for his age though. We'll see at his 9 month check up.

Diaper/Clothes Size: 6-9 month clothes, Size 3 diapers (4 overnight)

Sleep: We're a LOT better!! We did a gradual CIO method for overnight, MOTN sleep around 6 months. It took a few nights. It was miserable. It was horrible. I slept so little I was delirious. But, he started to get it. Then he got sick and it all went to shit. My life. So, we had to do it again, but it was quicker and much less painful that time. It's still not perfect. He's way, way less consistent with sleep than Bailey was, but it's better.

99% of the time, he goes to sleep mega easy. We do a bottle of about 7oz of pumped milk at 6:30pm. Then, we change into overnight diaper & PJs and get into the sleeping sack (he'll go to college wearing one of those suckers if I can help it). We read 2 books with Bailey, since You Are My Sunshine, and at 7pm put him into his crib wide awake with his paci, turn the mobile and a fan for white noise on, and walk out. 99% of the time, he goes straight to sleep without a peep. If he does fuss, it just takes 1 re-paci and he's out.

We used to do a dream feed at about 9:30pm, but we cut that a week shy of 8 months, so we're officially done with that. We cut the dream feed cold turkey with no issues whatsoever. 

Staying asleep has always been his issue. I'd say 75% of the time, he stays asleep til 5am. Which, is pretty damn good, I'd say. The other 25%, he'll wake once sometime around 3-4am simply for a quick re-paci. Stinker. Here or there, he'll make it all the way from 7pm-6:30am, but usually he's up at 5am for either a quick re-paci or h

e'll need 4-5 minutes of nursing and then he'll go back down til 6:30am. It's not perfect. We're still working on it. I have no idea when or how we'll get there. But we will. Somehow. I hope.

Schedule:

Our schedule has always had to be a bit more flexible and fluid than I ever was with Bailey. Poor 2nd kid. But, we do have a schedule that I work hard to maintain most days.

His schedule is generally:

6:30am: Wake, nurse, change

7:15am: Solids & I pump

8:30-10am: Nap 1

10am: Wake,nurse, change , play

12pm: Nurse, then solids

1-3/3:30pm: Nap 2 (also when Bailey naps)

3:30pm: Wake, nurse, change, play

5pm: Solids, then play

6:30pm: Bottle of pumped milk (6-7oz)

7pm: Bed

I work hard to try to get naps at home, in his crib. But, sometimes I have to wake him early or we do naps in the car so we can do something. It is what it is.

Eating/Nursing:

It's going well! We nurse 4 times a day and he gets a bottle of pumped BM once. I pump twice a day, once during breakfast and once after kids are in bed. I hate pumping, but it's working for us. Nothing super exciting about nursing. It's going.

Solids are going in full force! Super exciting!! We started around 5 months with traditional pureed baby foods and baby oatmeal and 1 meal. We moved to 2 meals around 6 months. Around 7 months we started really focusing on slowly transitioning away from purees and to real solids. With Bailey, we did BLW and really did very little baby food. That was always my plan with Elias, but we started earlier and I just felt he needed the food before he was ready for solids. So, we didn't start straight with BLW, but we're there now. We still do occasional purees here or there for convenience, but mainly we're doing plan ol' regular food. And, let me tell ya-- bub LOVES it. He loves every food he's tried. Broccoli, cheese, peanut butter, sweet potatoes, pears, sausage, chicken, waffles, eggs... you name it. He loves it and can't get enough. I legit have to cut him off. He's a beast. He doesn't quite have the pincher grasp down yet, but he's getting so close.

Likes:

His sister! OMG. He just loves watching her. It's adorable and makes my heart explode. He loves his bouncer, Sadie, being held by his mama, and eating. Oh, and he LOVES being outside. Often, if he's fussy, just going outside makes him turn into a totally new baby. It's amazing.

Dislikes:

He's a big mama's boy, so he's a little hit or miss when basically anyone else holds him. Stinkerbutt. He hates being poopy, being hungry, and being overtired. He's a total schedule baby and doesn't do great if I try to push him to be awake too long.

Special Moments:

Well, like a gazillion since I've missed so many updates. He started rolling over back to belly around 7 months and rarely belly to back at the end of 7 months. He's cooing and making so many more noises. He started sitting up unassisted at about 6 months. He's not crawling yet, but he's working on it. He's getting super close to being able to hold his own bottle. He can stand on his own holding onto something, but can't pull himself up yet by himself.

Things I Won't Miss About Nursing

Nursing is wonderful.

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Clouds parting, sun shining, rainbows and sprinkles wonderful. Right? I mean, that's what a lot of people are saying. With all the "YOU MUST NURSE YOUR BABY!!!" you'd think it MUST be wonderful, right?

Yeaaaaaah. I'm not so sold on that. I mean, don't get me wrong- I AM one of those "PLEASE! NURSE YOUR BABY!!" people... or I should say I am a "PLEASE! TRY TO NURSE YOUR BABY!! GIVE IT A SHOT!" kinda people. I truly believe nursing is important, though I also truly believe breastfeeding is not the ONLY thing that is important!! Sometimes other things, like pain level of the mother, just to name one, is just as important. Sometimes, the baby simply will not latch or has a medical issue preventing him/her from breastfeeding successfully. Like I said, I think nursing is important. But, I do NOT think it is ALL that is important and do NOT think a mother is any less because she did not breastfeed. Simple as that.

Anyway-- I wanted to nurse Bailey with every ounce of my being--- and, I am. It was extremely important to and for me and it worked! After a bit of rocky start of exclusively pumping for the first 7ish days of her life while she was in the NICU and having to use a breastshield for the next 5ish months, it worked. We're still going strong with nursing. And, I plan to continue going strong until at least the 1 year mark and then re-evaluate and likely drop down to 2ish sessions for a few months and then wean completely. While I am 100% OK with and respect those mothers who choose to nurse to toddler-dom, I am not one of them.

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Apparently, I am not Mom enough. Let's not get into the Mommy Wars involved in breastfeeding, ok? Moving on....

Anyway- I love it. I love nursing. It IS wonderful. Rainbows and sprinkles and all. I love those moments where it feels like she and I are the only people in the world. We feel so incredibly connected. I love that I feel like I'm protecting and providing for her with every drop of milk. I love it, I love it, I love it.

But.

Big but.

It can SUCK. It most certainly is not ALL rainbows and sprinkles. There are many things that just plain blow about it. And, that's what we're talking about today. The not-so-sprinkley part of breastfeeding. I'm sure every breastfeeding mother has their own complaints (whether they ever share them or not), so here's mine...

-PUMPING. Top of the list. I loathe the pump like something fierce. When I was working fulltime out of the house and had to pump numerous times a day at work and was barely getting enough to cover her needs-- wowza, I hated that pump. By Friday, my nipples felt like they were being pulled off with each pump. Today, because I'm staying home with Bailey, I don't need to pump as much so it's not AS bad. I pump once a day now and my nipples no longer want to make me cry. But, I still flinch every time I turn it on and hear the whooshing of the pump motor. Stupid pump.

-Wardrobe challenges. Oh how I long for the day I don't have to think about what I'm wearing and if it's breastfeeding friendly.

-Being the ONLY person who can nurse Bailey.

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Maybe that sounds silly, but sometimes it can be daunting to know that my boobs are it and no one else can give her what she needs when she needs it. I mean, yes-- the Hubs can give her a bottle. But, if you've nursed a baby you know what I'm about to say-- sometimes, a bottle won't do it. It's not always about FOOD/MILK when a baby wants to nurse. Sometimes, it's just about nursing. While it's AMAZING that I can give her that, it can be overwhelming sometimes, too.

-Nursing bras. Guys. Let me tell you. Nursing bras are SO SEXY. Ok, yes- they are comfortable, but I am looking forward to wearing a regular bra again whenever I want.

-Scheduling. I have to think about when and where and how I am going to nurse all the time. Bailey and I are busy, on-the-go people. I belong to 2 Mom's groups and we do outtings and things all the time. Each morning I have to sit and really think about "Ok, what time are we leaving? Should I nurse before or after? Do I need to wake B from her nap early so we have time to nurse?" and so on. Is it a huge pain in the ass? No, but I do look forward to not having to think so damn much.

-THE looks.

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I nurse in public. I nurse in private. I nurse in front of family and friends. My poor father and brother in law have seen my boobs too many times to count. My friends husbands have seen my boobs. Strangers have seen my boobs. See- Bailey doesn't nurse well under a blanket. I tried. Girl won't have it. I've tried excusing myself, but then I'm exiled and alone for the majority of events or I'm forced to nurse while sitting on a nasty bathroom floor (been there!). So, I nurse in public. I have no shame and feel no guilt. BABY HAS TO EAT. End of story. But, I look forward to not getting the look as frequently as I do. You know what look I'm talking about. The look strangers give you like "OMG! IS THAT HER BOOB? IS SHE ACTUALLY FEEDING HER BABY IN PUBLIC? OMG! I CAN'T LOOK AWAY! STARE! STARE! STARE!!!!!!". Yeah, I'm pretty over that look.

-Being touched-out. Sometimes, as much as I really and genuinely do love nursing, I get touched out. Especially during a growth spurt, Bailey would nurse frequently and have looooong sessions. These don't happen much anymore, so it's not a big issue anymore, but in some of the earlier days, she was attached to my boob what felt like 24/7. There were some moments when I just did not want to be touched. By anyone. For like 2 seconds. Like I said, this is a non-issue now, but I remember those days well and am glad that part is over.


-STILL having to think about when I last nursed and when I will again before working out.

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It's a lot better than it was when I started nursing, but I still have to intentionally workout RIGHT after I nurse or I feel too full and just get uncomfortable.



So, there you have it. Turns out, breastfeeding isn't as sunshine and rainbows as people make it out to be sometimes. I love nursing Bailey. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I am so incredibly grateful our nursing relationship has been as good and as relatively easy and problem-free as it has been. Nursing is important to me. It's high on my value list. Buuuuut, I am most definitely counting down the days til my boobs can just be mine again.

15 Thing Friday

1. I very likely won't make it to 15 things. Yes, I'm calling this from the start and refuse to just see how many points I get to and then make it X Thing Friday. Nope. That'd be way to logical.


2. Bailey is currently fighting a nap. Love when this happens. She's tired. She's grumpy. She's TIRED. But, sleep? NO WAY. Sleep is BORING. Girl has shit to do! Meanwhile all I can keep thinking is "You're tired, Bailey! Go to sleeeeeep!!!!"


3. We're heading to the semi-local (like 20 minutes away... yes, the closest mall is 20 minutes away. I don't want to talk about it) mall today. I need to get the AC in my car looked at and they have a Sears. Plus, it's been rainy all night/morning and it's supposed to keep raining and I need to get outta the house and move around a little.

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Excited to explore a new mall! Here's hoping they have a semi-decent area to nurse.


4. Speaking of... have you seen this?

 

LOVE it. As a nursing mom who has had to nurse in a public bathroom (for the record, I have also nursed out in public in restaurants, doctors offices, stores, etc.) before, I feel this ad all too much. A public bathroom is NO place for a baby to be, let alone to have to eat.

 

 

5. I thought about trying to find a YouTube yoga channel and do a little yoga. Then I remembered that every single time I've yoga-ed, I hate it. I think I'm officially quitting the charade. Yoga and I are broken up. It's official.

 

 

6. Dude. I mentioned yesterday I needed to clean out my Keurig and so I actually did last night (because if you put it on the internet you HAVE to do it, right?). Anyway-- if you've never cleaned yours-- DO IT. Dude. It was SO GROSS. It was crazy easy: after a quick google search I simply ran 1 cup (note: I have a Keurig mini, 1-cup-er) of white vinegar through it, just like you would water to make coffee. LOOK WHAT CAME OUT:

Those pics don't even do it justice. It was GROSS. That liquid was CLEAR going in. And, the little particles all over. Bleah. I'm almost gagging just thinking about it. Anyway- I ended up doing 2 vinegar runs and the second was BARELY better than the first. Grossssss. I'm gonna do another run through or two this weekend. SO GLAD I finally remembered to do this. Oh, and don't forget to do 1 or 2 plain water run throughs after your vinegar run before you go to actually drink something from it unless you enjoy vinegar flavored coffee.
 

7. In love with this look from Blake Lively. Perfection.

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8. I sorta love the idea of these pants.

Totally don't think I can pull them off, though. I LOVE the idea, but just don't think they'd look good on ME.


9. Speaking of not looking good on me, my body is in this really cool post-baby stage where, while the weight is gone, the shape of my body is just not the same. I have the classic mom-belly-pooch. My legs aren't anywhere nearly as toned as they were pre-baby. Bleah. I'm just feeling sorta BLEAH about my appearance lately. 100% doesn't help that essentially NONE of my pre-baby clothes fit anymore... or at least they don't fit WELL and compliment my body the way they used to. I know I need to just suck it up and go buy some new clothes and I'll feel MUCH better... but, what clothes do I buy? Ones that fit now, but may not fit after my body continues to sorta re-adjust and/or I (hopefully, someday) get back in shape or do I buy clothes that fit NOW knowing they may only fit during this weird inbetween stage? I know, I know. Buy them to fit NOW. But, who has money to have like 12 different wardrobes?? Bleah. I'm hoping to go shopping next week and at least get a few pieces I feel good about.

10. Yep, still fighting her nap. I'm gonna need a drink tonight. Bring on the Summer Shandy! 

11. Real quick-- did you know they make Summer Shandy in cans??? Even better, a local pizza place (that happens to be the Hubs favorite) has it in DRAFT. Life = complete. Let's be honest draft > can > bottle.


12. Ok, told you I wouldn't make it to 15. To be fair, 12 is WAY more than I was expecting. Anyway- I'm out. Happy Friday! 

End of Maternity Leave

It's with a sad heart I write today's post.

My maternity leave ended yesterday. 13 1/2 weeks--- over in the blink of an eye. As cliché as it sounds, it really did go by so fast. I can't even put it into words how fast it flew by. Most of the time, when I say that I know DURING the time (ex: training before the marathon) it didn't feel like it went by fast... just at the end looking it back did it seem to happen so fast. However, this was different. Every passing day during my leave I was all too aware just how fast the days were passing. First, it was already 10 days in before Bailey left the NICU and even came home (though I worked from "home" some of those days, so I saved a bit of time for when she actually came home). Then, it was a month. Then, 6 weeks. Before I knew it, 8 weeks down. Then, in the blink of an eye, 12 weeks. And, now-- it's over.

I'd like to say I'm ready to go back to work and face this next phase of our lives. I'd like to say I'm up to the challenge and "bring it, work!" But, the reality is: I'm not. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to go back to work mentally. The idea of focusing on WORK is about the least appealing thing in the word and I have no idea where the brain capacity is going to come from. I'm not ready to get dressed up each morning and put on make up. I'm not ready to give up an HOUR of precious sleep to shower and get ready each morning.

But, most of all... I'm not ready to leave Bailey. Confession: I thought I would be. That sounds TERRIBLE when I write it down and read it. But, it's true. See, I NEVER thought of myself as a stay at home mom (SAHM). I never wanted to be one. I need and want adult interaction. I need and want to produce something tangible each day. Something I learned on leave? You can get both those things as a SAHM. I still don't think I would want to be a SAHM even if we could afford it (which we can't). I still think I want to work outside the home (I chose those words WISELY as being a SAHM IS MOST DEFINITELY WORK!!). Buuuuut- not yet. I NEED MORE TIME. I'm just not ready. Bailey is SO little and changing and growing every. single. day. The idea of missing something... even just one second of something BREAKS. MY. HEART. Dramatic? Yes. I'm ok with that. It's also true. Honestly, I wouldn't even be happy to go back to work if the Hubs could stay home with B (though of course that'd be a lot easier). It's not about daycare. She actually has a great home daycare where right now she's the ONLY child there. In a few weeks, a pair of 8-month old twins start and then that will be it for a while. The woman who runs it is great and I like her a lot. It's not about that. It's about ME not being with HER all day, everyday. I'm just not ready.

But- life doesn't care much about being ready. It pushes you into things whether you think you're ready or not. So, lthe night before last I packed my things (damn pump!) and laid out my clothes. And, the next morning I got up an hour earlier than normal (5:30am, you SUCK!) and got ready, nursed B, and then left the house and dropped her off with someone else. Someone who will get to see her change everyday and get to spend more time with her than I do Monday-Friday. And, I cried. 4 times before noon, to be exact. But, I survived. Sure, my first day back at work was only a half day (a GREAT tactic if you're going back to work), but I made it. And, Bailey made it too. She seemed as happy and content as ever. Though, I swear she great like 12 inches while I was at work.

So, now we're in our new norm. Work and daycare. I'm now a working out-of-the-house mom. We've nowhere near mastered our routine. Shoot, I forgot to pump on my first day back because I got busy and distracted. But, I did remember to pick Bailey up! I'll call that a win. 

I'm still not ready for this new norm. I'm still not ready to be back at work. I'm still not ready for Bailey to be with someone else all day, every day. But, it is what it is. At least I get to look forward to this face waiting for me at the end of each day.

PS- Happy Valentine's Day!

Confessions of a First Time Mom

1. I consider it a "good day" if I get to do 2 things: brush my teeth and put on deodorant. We have about 4-5 good days a week. For the record, today was not a good day.

2. The first week we brought Bailey home I was SO sleep deprived I would wake up in the middle of the night and PANIC because I was SURE I fell asleep holding her and now she was gone. During one nap I was SO SURE I had her when I fell asleep, I stripped all the blankets and pillows off the bed and looked under the bed just to be sure I was wrong. She was safely with the Hubs the whole time. 
(Edited note: These dreams and panic attacks come back anytime I'm SUPER short -- and, I mean SUPER short, not just the now-normal sleep deprived-- on sleep now, which happens semi-frequently. F-U-N.)

3. Speaking of the first few weeks-- I lost more freaking hair than I ever knew possible. Why did no one warn me this would happen? I thought I was going bald!!

Yeah... that might look like it was intentional layers or something... nope. The rest of those strands of hair that are supposed to be as long as all my other hair have just broken off. FUN.

4. TLC is the maternity leave channel everyday from about 7am-Noon. All they play is show after show about babies. Seriously. Babies GALORE! They should just rename the channel to the Maternity Leave channel.

5. Sometimes I worry that I'm not "playing" enough with Bailey. I mean... she just kinda lays there still. I try to play with her, but there's only so much you can do when there's no playing back. Hopefully I'm not totally screwing my kid up. :)

6. I haven't worn a normal bra since she was born. Yep, sorry Victoria's Secret-- you're of no use to me right now. Underwire can hinder breastmilk supply, so it's been all wireless nursing bras. Let me tell you just how sexy these suckers are.... yeaaaaah.

7. Numerous times I day I try to bargain with Bailey as though she can actually understand and respond to me. For example, earlier today I asked Bailey to give me just 5 more minutes so I could finish folding the laundry. I told her after 5 minutes I was all hers. Girl did not care one bit. Needless to say, I did not finish folding the laundry that day.

 8. This has nothing to do with being a first time mom, but since I'm confessing, I figure I mine as well get it off my chest. I never, ever do the warm up or cool down on workout videos. I've never even seen what Jillian's cool down is and I've only ever seen the warm up via fast-forward.

No, Jillian. I will not do arm circles with you. FAST FORWARD! Let's start the workout!

9. I *still* spend more time than I'd like to admit googling things about babies. Some recent searches: "How to get baby asleep?", "What if baby hasn't smiled yet?", "What does breastfed baby diarrhea look like?", "When to start sleep training?", "What if baby doesn't nap?". I really need to stop. I KNOW there are a GAZILLION opinions about everything. I KNOW there won't be some magic, perfect answer out there. Yet, I. CAN'T. STOP. Intervention needed.

10. I admit it: I do drink caffeine, even though I'm breastfeeding. I know, I know. I'm a terrible mom. I limit it to ONE cup of coffee each morning or sips of the Hubs diet pepsi if we go out to eat. However, I will give myself some credit because I am also drinking about 10 gazillion gallons of water each day, too.

EDITED: Yeah, I started this post WEEKS ago and just re-read it before publishing and have since given up caffeine. I read (again, damn google!) that caffeine can hinder b-fed babies sleep, so I gave it up. UGH! Sleep deprivation + no coffee = DANGER! I was 100% caffeine free for 2 1/2 weeks, but it seemed to make no difference AT ALL in her sleep, so I'm not allowing myself the occasional cup of coffee in the morning. When I go back to work, I imagine I'll drink more and more. Ugh.

11. There have been times when I just can't figure out why Bailey is crying. I used to think there was always a tangible reason babies cry: hunger, sleep, diaper, etc. I no longer think this. I now think sometimes, babies just cry. I'm sure somewhere deep down, it is for a reason... maybe it's 1 degree too hot or too cold or their swaddle is one smidgen too tight or too loose. Who knows. It sure seems like sometimes they just cry for NO. REASON. 

This is her t-minute 10 seconds to melt-down face. 

12. Sleep deprivation is hard core. I'm not one who needs a TON of sleep to function... but, damn. I've never been so tired in my entire life. Turns out there's a BIG, BIIIIG difference between 6 consecutive hours of sleep and 6 hours of sleep interrupted for over an hour every 2-3ish hours. Big difference. I was in no way prepared.

13. Being a mom is HARD. Much, much harder than I was expecting. There have been times when I've cried because I can't seem to make Bailey stop crying or because she woke herself up because the paci fell out... again. For the 10th time in the previous 15 minutes. I used to think being a mom would be pretty easy overall. I mean, I worked at a daycare for a summer. I thought I had this whole baby thing down. Yeaaaaah. Being a MOM is a totally different world. My boobs feel like they're going to be sucked dry. I'm covered in baby throw up all. the. time. I can't remember... well, anything, ever. I feel like I'm kinda walking on thin-ice all day long just waiting for the next meltdown. I google almost everything. I doubt every decision. I want to punch every person who asks me if she's sleeping through the night yet. I haven't slept over 4.5 hours in a row since before she was born. I say all this and I think overall Bailey is a pretty good baby. Even "good" babies are still HARD. Like, really, really hard. Again, I was in no way prepared for just how hard.  Good thing babies are so stinkin' cute, huh?