Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Bit About The Blogger Survey

I'm going on about 4 hours of (broken up) sleep today. I'm already on my third cup of coffee, but even that's not doing the trick, so a oh-so-fun survey (made by this girl) is about as creative as I'm getting today.

Bit About The Blogger Survey
  • What was your go-to food or snack as a child?
I mean, obviously, junk food of any kind. I used to (and likely still do though I couldn't tell you the last time I had this exact one) LOVE Superpretzel's soft-pretzels. Yuuuuum.

  • What got you interested in health/fitness?
Wait... am I interested in health/fitness? I mean, I guess I am. Really, I'm just interested in sweating and being active. I started running by complete accident and just fell. in. love. with it. I think it's important to take care of ourselves and now, being a mom, it's taken on a whole new meaning knowing that I'm responsible for taking care of this teeny, tiny, perfect person and in order to take care of HER I have to take care of ME. I also really, really want to help teach Bailey how to be healthy and to (hopefully) enjoy sweating just as much as I do! :)

  • You’re stuck on an island for a month and can only eat three foods. What would they be?

Funny story-- the Hubs and I are re-watching Lost from the beginning (because we can't really watch anything live right now b/c anything we watch is paused 67 times per 15 minutes... oh the life with a newborn) and we just saw the episode where Charlie give Claire a pretend jar of peanut butter. Get it? They're actually (I mean, you know fictionally, but actually in the fictional show) stuck on an island. Never mind. Annnnnnyway-- peanut butter, ice cream (this island has a freezer, right?) and gummy frogs. I am so healthy.

  • Favorite and least favorite body part to train?
I suppose my favorite is legs? But-- really I only say that if running counts as training your legs.

My least favorite is also legs, though. I loathe lunges.

  • Favorite and least favorite health or fitness fads?
Errrr... favorite = running? Does that count? I suppose that's not really a fad. I guess I could say strength training for women. I feel like it's trendy now for women to lift and focus on strength over skinny. Even though I'm not a big strength training girl, I still appreciate the new focus on it.

Least favorite... everything? I don't get juicing or fasting or paleo or eating mashed up avocado on everything.

  • What is the hardest workout you have ever done?
Do people know the single hardest workout they've ever done? I mean, I guess the marathon. Does that count? Or maybe labor? Haha!!

  • What is the first movie that made you cry?
I don't know if it was the FIRST movie that made me cry, but I do vividly remember BALLING while watching My Girl. SOOOO sad!!!

  • Your #1 pet peeve?
Being late. Definitely gonna have to get over that one being a new mom. Being late is kinda inevitable.

  • Your dream job?
If I could work part-time (you know, with full benefits and have it be awesome paying) and stay home with Bailey part-time, that'd be PERFECT. For the out-of-house job, my dream job would be helping college students who don't know what they want to major in or what they want to do "with the rest of their life" (WHO PUTS THAT PRESSURE ON THEM?!?!?) figure it out.

  • Hairy arms or hairy legs?
What does this question even mean? Like, which would I like? I mean, I have hairy arms and shave my legs... soooo??? I don't get it??

Happy Wednesday! :)

Monday, February 24, 2014

Return to Speedwork

Today, Yasso 800's returned to my life.

1 mile warm up on indoor track.
800 on treadmill in 4:30.
1/2 mile recovery on indoor track.
800 on treadmill in 4:20.
1/2 mile recovery on indoor track.
800 on treadmill in 4:10.
1/2 mile recovery on indoor track.
800 on treadmill in 3:59.
1/2 mile recovery on indoor track.

5 miles. Hurt so good. And so bad. Wowza. Getting back in "shape" (if you could call what I was before "in shape") blows. A lot.

I admit it: I kinda hate being so much slower than I was before. I've never, ever been FAST and I never will be. I'm OK with that. I'm not Boston material. That's OK. But, I could hold a upper 8:something pace decently easy before I got pregnant. Now... a 9:00 mile is like a SPRINT. I was PANTING embarrassingly loud during those 800's. Like, REALLY, REALLY loud. If I was running next to someone breathing as heavy as I was I would have been worried about them. I hated being passed on the track by people (even if I was running slow on purpose for recovery). I felt judged by people. In my head, they're thinking "Oh my goodness! What is that girl doing? Why bother running if you're running that slow. I mean. It's not even running. It's hardly even jogging. And, LISTEN to how out of breath she is! Is she even OK? Should we call someone?" Of course, I KNOW (somewhere in my head) this is crazy talk and no one even notices me, just like I don't notice anyone else's workout. Still. I hate that a workout that used to be FUN and, while hard, not OMG-I'M-DYING hard.


But, I didn't give up. I didn't stop. I pushed. HARD. I pushed out of my comfort zone. I pushed harder than I thought I could go.

And for that, I'm proud and enjoying a nice runner's high.

And, M&M's.

I'm enjoying a runner's high and M&M's. That's about right.

Weekly Workout Summary: 2/16-2/22

Weekly Workout Summary: 2/16-2/22

Sunday, 2/16: 20 minute walk with Sadie and Hubs wearing Bailey
Monday, 2/17: None
Tuesday, 2/18: 3 mile run during lunch, 15 minute cooldown walk, 1/2 of 8-Minute Abs
Wednesday, 2/19: 8-Minute Abs & 8-Minutes of random leg/arm strength moves (squats with overhead press, deadlift with hammer curl, etc.) & 4 mile run during lunch & 20 minute walk
Thursday, 2/20: 30 minute elliptical
Friday, 2/21: None
Saturday, 2/22: 8-Minute Abs &  10-Minutes of random leg/arm strength moves (squats with overhead press, deadlift with hammer curl, etc.) & 60 minute (3 mile) walk wearing Bailey w/ the Hubs and Sadie  

Friday, February 21, 2014

Day In the Life: Working Out-of-the-House Mom

I've been a "working out-of-the-house mom" for a whopping week now. Wowza. Has it been a week already? And, at the same time- it's ONLY been a week? Don't you love when you feel both those things at the same time?

Anyway- it's been a week. A week of mistakes and forgets and triumphs and struggles and tears and smiles and laughter and everything in between. Biggest lesson I learned my first day back? LIFE GOES ON. Nothing stops when you're not at work. Work still happens. Life still happens. And, at the same time, when you go back to work, life doesn't stop. It might hurt like hell to leave your baby at daycare or wherever, but it is what it is. Life will continue to move on. You either move with it or you... well, I suppose you just do. Simple as that.

So, I've been moving with life. It's been much harder than I expected in some ways and a little easier than I expected in others. I figured before we get to all the lessons I've learned and words of wisdom I should never try to give this early in the game, let's just look at a day in the life instead. A not-perfect day in the life, too. So, here's what my Thursday, February 20th looked like...

2-2:20am: I hear Bailey start squirming over the monitor and think to myself (after several curse words) "HOOOOOOOOOOW IS SHE UP AGAIN SO SOON?!?!?!?". We just nursed at 11:30pm. No way is she hungry again. So, I go in and pop the paci in her mouth and hope that does it. I lay back down and fall immediately back asleep.

2:20-3:30am: Nope. Didn't do it. She's back up. ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!! I know she's not hungry yet and I know if I feed her this early, she'll be back up all night. It's her thing. She's squirmed out of her swaddle and just gotten herself worked up. I pull her out of the crib and lay on the floor with her on my chest. She falls immediately back asleep. I doze in and out on the very uncomfortably hard floor. Fun times.

3:30-4am: She's back up and I know she's really hungry now. We nurse. As much as I hate getting up in the middle of the night, I really and truly love our MOTN nursing sessions. It's so quiet and peaceful and it's feels like she and I are the only people in the world. It's the most bonded and connected I feel to her. While I am counting down the moments til she starts sleeping through the night, a BIG part of me will miss these moments.

4-5:45amam: Put her back in her crib. Girl is OUT like a light. I crawl back into my bed after shoving Sadie out of the way. The Hubs and I caved and let her sleep with us now. Girl thinks she owns our bed and 100% takes over my side when I get up to nurse. She's lucky she's so cute. 
Girl thinks she owns our bed.

5:45-6:20am: My alarm goes off. I curse in my head. A lot. If you're counting, I slept-slept from 9pm-11:30pm, 12am-2am, and 4-5:45am. That's not a lot of sleep. Add in that it's broken up sleep and there's not enough coffee in the world to make me feel like I'm 100% awake. Ugh. It's gonna be a long day. Anyway, I get up and head downstairs to get ready for work. Well, first I make a BIG cup of coffee. Then I get ready and feed Sadie.

6:20-7am: The Hubs just got up and took Sadie out then he wakes Bailey up at 6:30am and changes her diaper. She is SO fun in the morning. All smiles. Love it. Anyway- after he changes her he kisses us both goodbye and we have our morning nursing session. And, I admit it- I play candycrush or read blogs on my phone while she's nursing. I also finish my cup of coffee and eat 2 pieces of cinnamon raisin toast while pumping.

7-7:15am: Put Bailey on playmat for some tummy time (she likes it now!) while I brush my teeth, make the bed and change into my clothes. After I get dressed I put my robe on (GREAT TIP!!) because I inevitably get puked on at least 1-2 more times before getting B in her carseat. Oh the glamorous life of a mom.
Yep. SO much baby spit up all over. I'd have to change clothes like 12 times if I didn't wear a robe over my work clothes in the morning. Best tip ever!
7:15-7:30am: Change Bailey's diaper and get her dressed for the day while talking to her all about what's happening for me at work that day or what we're doing that night. She just smiles and listens to my every word. LOVE. I then get her in her carseat, get all my crap together and get us out the door.

 "Let's go, Mom! I don't wanna be late for school!!"

7:30-7:35am: Drive to daycare. Yes, it's only a 5 minute drive. LOVE.

7:35-7:40am: Daycare drop off. Tear. Hasn't gotten any easier.

7:40-7:45am: Drive to and arrive at work (SO nice that daycare is so close to my office).

7:50-8:10am: Pumping session #1

8:10-10am: Work, work, work. Usually I'd have breakfast at my desk sometime in here. Today, I had a couple classroom presentations and just got busy and forgot. Whoops.

10-10:15am: Pumping session #2 (while working at my desk)

10:15-12pm: Work, work, work. I also chug a bunch of water and have a fun-size pack of M&Ms and a fun-size snickers. Sorry I'm not even a little sorry.

12-12:15pm: Pumping session #3 (while working at my desk)

12:15-1pm: Take my "lunch hour" and head to gym for a workout. Today it was 30 minutes of elliptical the day before it was a 4-mile run. Trying to do a little something most days, even though I'd rather curl under my desk and take a nap. If it were warmer out I legit might go take a nap in my car.

1-1:15pm: Scarf down lunch at my desk. Today it was an egg salad sandwich, pretzels, a pear, cheese stick, a lactation cookie (recipe & review coming soon!) and a diet pepsi.

1:15-2pm: Work, work, work.

2-2:15pm: Pumping session #4 (while working at my desk)

2:15-4pm: Work, work, work. I also eat a SUPER healthy snack and chug a bunch of water.

4-4:15pm: Pumping session #5 (while working at my desk). I'm working REALLY hard my first two weeks to get LOTS of pumping sessions in while at work to help establish my pumping supply. It takes a LOT of time and is SO time consuming and freaking HARD to get sessions in. I was lucky this day and got 5 in (1 of which was before work). I'll be glad if most days I get 3, MAYBE 4, in.

4:15-5:30pm: Work, work, work. By this point in the day I feel completely brain dead and exhausted. Usually I leave the office at 5pm and go pick Bailey up at daycare and am home by 5:30pm, but Thursday's I have to work til 5:30pm, so the Hubs handles daycare pick up.

5:30-5:35pm: Drive home.

5:35-5:55pm: Nurse Bailey and chug some more water. Nursing makes me SO thirsty.

6-6:30pm: This day was pretty weird and not at all a normal day. Most days this would be when I would pump again, then dinner time, family time while we play with Bailey, and get-shit-together-for-tomorrow time, but tonight I went to a class at a local Women's Care Center (which was supposed to go to 7, but got out at 6:30! Woowoo!) while the Hubs and B got some daddy-daughter time.

6:30-7:15 Again, it was not a normal night. Normally we'd still be doing family time and getting Bailey ready for bed (bath, book, change into PJs, etc.), but tonight we went to Five Guys for burgers and fries. Sometimes it's just needed. Sorry I'm not sorry.

7:15-7:30: Shower. Yes, I am a fast shower-er.

7:30-8:15pm: Nurse Bailey and rock her for a bit. Yes, I nurse Bailey to sleep. Yes, I know you're "supposed" to put the baby down awake so they can put themselves to sleep. Whatever. I don't care even a little. Get over it.

8:15-8:40pm: Dry my har. Prep anything that still needs to get preped for the next day (pack lunches, prep bottles, pack daycare bag, etc.)

8:40-9:10pm: Pump... AGAIN. UUUUUUUUUGH. I've been having some supply issues, despite EVERYTHING I can do (full post coming soon) to prevent it. One of the things I'm trying to do now is pump before bed, even though it's a PAIN IN THE ASS. I hate the pump. HATE. The hubs and I watch a little TV while I'm pumping so at least I get a few minutes with him, even if it is while hooked up to a machine being milked like a cow.

9:10pm: BED. I PASS OUT pretty much the second my head hits the pillow.

We alternate every other night between a bottle and me nursing for the 11:30pm feeding. Last night was a nurse night so tonight's a bottle night, which means a bit extra sleep for me. THANK GOODNESS!!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

5.3 MILES!!

Woowoo!! Saturday I did my longest run in a LOOOONG time!!

I swear, I did 5.3 miles... stupid Garmin took FOREVER to catch satellite.
My longest run in a really, really, really long time.... probably close to 6 months? I could look up just how long if I really wanted to, but it'd probably depress me, so we'll skip that part.

Anyway- I ran. And it was awesome. Friday night I laid out all my clothes and charged the Garmin. The Hubs and I talked about it and he was more than cool with watching Baileybug while I got outta the house sans baby for a bit.

Then Saturday morning came. 6:30am alarm and I was up to feed Bailey, giddy at the idea of getting to run during her nap. But, then the Hubs came in with the bad news: it was snowing and really slippery out. Boooooooo. He was going to run an errand and so I decided I'd just do Jillian while he was out instead. While I was still nursing Bailey, the Hubs got back from his errand. Since he was back so quickly, I decided a run was meant to be, snow or no snow. I made up my mind: I was running.

So, I finished nurisng her, pumped and then was off. Gone are the days of waking up and being gone for a run before I even realize I'm awake. Tear!

Annnnnyway-- it was AMAZING. One of those can't-wipe-the-grin-off-my-face kinda runs. Now, that's not to say it was EASY. Not only was it cold, but it was also actively snowing and there was lots of snow on the ground, which doesn't make for an EASY run, even if I was at tip-top shape (which I am SOOOOO far from). But, I loved every second.

I set out for 3 miles. MAYBE 4. To do over 5 wasn't even a thought in my head really. But, I was just FEELING it. And, even better-- I felt like I could do more, but I didn't want to be crazy and push it too far.
I can't say it was a fast run. The 5.3 miles took me about 54 minutes. Definitely not the sub 9's I got myself down to pre-preggo. But, it 100% did not matter. Not even a little. It also wasn't easy. My legs felt heavy and like they weren't quite sure what I was asking them to do. But, I did it. And, I was PROUD of myself.
Throughout the run, Bailey was never far from my mind. I kept saying to myself "We don't stop when it gets hard. We push through." and imagining myself telling Bailey that when she's going through something hard. Cheesy? Sure. But, it's true and it's a VERY important lesson I want to teach my daughter. And, it worked. I pushed through. And I enjoyed the amazing runners high for the rest of the day!

I PLANNED to run Sunday, too. Buuuuut, my legs had other ideas. To say they were sore Sunday would be an drastic understatement. In fact, my entire body felt like it got hit by a truck. Maybe I pushed a little too hard? :) Oh well. It was worth it. Next weekend, I'm hoping for a Saturday AND a Sunday run. WAHOO!

Monday, February 17, 2014

Weekly Workout Summary: 2/9-2/15

Weekly Workout Summary: 2/9-2/15

Sunday, 2/9: Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred
Monday, 2/10: Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred 
Tuesday, 2/11: None... well, I did walk around the mall for 2 hours, for the sole purpose of moving... but, I don't think I'd count that as a true WORKOUT.
Wednesday, 2/12: 8-Minute Abs & 8-Minute Arms w/ 2-minute cardio bursts (jumping jacks, mountain climbers, plank jacks, jogging in place, etc.) every 3ish moves totalling 20 minutes cardio & 40 minute walk with Sadie while I was wearing Bailey
Thursday, 2/13 (first day back at work-- 1/2 day): 1/2 of 8-minute abs. Yep. You read right.
Friday, 2/14 (another 1/2 day at work): 20 minute walk with Sadie while I was wearing Bailey
Saturday, 2/15: 5.3 mile run & 20 minute walk w/ the Hubs and Sadie while I was wearing Bailey


Saturday, February 15, 2014

What I LIKE About Being Back at Work

So, my last post was very woe-is-me. It was honest. I'm still NOT ready to be back at work, leaving Bailey each day. Simple as that. Buuuuuut, I do think it's important to note that it's not all terrible and tears. There are a few things that I admitting LIKE about being back at work...

- I get to eat lunch. Everyday. WOAH. Even more impressive? If it's supposed to be hot, I can eat it hot after only heating it up ONCE. This is exciting, people. There were days when I was on leave where Bailey was just NOT having a nap and not happy anywhere but in my arms. It's do-able, but not the easiest thing to eat holding a baby. Try eating something hot and the difficulty level goes up exponentially. Oh, and let's not even talk about how many times I had to heat and re-heat the same thing before actually being able to eat it sometimes.

- Lunch hour workouts. Guys. I might actually get to run again. Ok, ok-- this is a bit preemptive as I haven't ACTUALLY had any lunch hour workouts yet... but, I'm confident 2-3 per week are in my future.

- Daily adult interaction & getting out of the house everyday (we'll count that as 2 things!). This winter has been BEYOND brutal. Bailey and I were legit snowed in for days at a time. No walks. No seeing or even talking to other people. Now, I HAVE to get out of the house each day and HAVE to talk to lots of people. I'm a go-go-gooooo kinda person so these things are actually a good thing for my mental sanity.

Ok... so, maybe that's it. But, that's FOUR more things than I could think of before I went back to work. Progress, people.

Friday, February 14, 2014

End of Maternity Leave

It's with a sad heart I write today's post.

My maternity leave ended yesterday. 13 1/2 weeks--- over in the blink of an eye. As cliché as it sounds, it really did go by so fast. I can't even put it into words how fast it flew by. Most of the time, when I say that I know DURING the time (ex: training before the marathon) it didn't feel like it went by fast... just at the end looking it back did it seem to happen so fast. However, this was different. Every passing day during my leave I was all too aware just how fast the days were passing. First, it was already 10 days in before Bailey left the NICU and even came home (though I worked from "home" some of those days, so I saved a bit of time for when she actually came home). Then, it was a month. Then, 6 weeks. Before I knew it, 8 weeks down. Then, in the blink of an eye, 12 weeks. And, now-- it's over.

I'd like to say I'm ready to go back to work and face this next phase of our lives. I'd like to say I'm up to the challenge and "bring it, work!" But, the reality is: I'm not. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to go back to work mentally. The idea of focusing on WORK is about the least appealing thing in the word and I have no idea where the brain capacity is going to come from. I'm not ready to get dressed up each morning and put on make up. I'm not ready to give up an HOUR of precious sleep to shower and get ready each morning.

But, most of all... I'm not ready to leave Bailey. Confession: I thought I would be. That sounds TERRIBLE when I write it down and read it. But, it's true. See, I NEVER thought of myself as a stay at home mom (SAHM). I never wanted to be one. I need and want adult interaction. I need and want to produce something tangible each day. Something I learned on leave? You can get both those things as a SAHM. I still don't think I would want to be a SAHM even if we could afford it (which we can't). I still think I want to work outside the home (I chose those words WISELY as being a SAHM IS MOST DEFINITELY WORK!!). Buuuuut- not yet. I NEED MORE TIME. I'm just not ready. Bailey is SO little and changing and growing every. single. day. The idea of missing something... even just one second of something BREAKS. MY. HEART. Dramatic? Yes. I'm ok with that. It's also true. Honestly, I wouldn't even be happy to go back to work if the Hubs could stay home with B (though of course that'd be a lot easier). It's not about daycare. She actually has a great home daycare where right now she's the ONLY child there. In a few weeks, a pair of 8-month old twins start and then that will be it for a while. The woman who runs it is great and I like her a lot. It's not about that. It's about ME not being with HER all day, everyday. I'm just not ready.

But- life doesn't care much about being ready. It pushes you into things whether you think you're ready or not. So, lthe night before last I packed my things (damn pump!) and laid out my clothes. And, the next morning I got up an hour earlier than normal (5:30am, you SUCK!) and got ready, nursed B, and then left the house and dropped her off with someone else. Someone who will get to see her change everyday and get to spend more time with her than I do Monday-Friday. And, I cried. 4 times before noon, to be exact. But, I survived. Sure, my first day back at work was only a half day (a GREAT tactic if you're going back to work), but I made it. And, Bailey made it too. She seemed as happy and content as ever. Though, I swear she great like 12 inches while I was at work.

So, now we're in our new norm. Work and daycare. I'm now a working out-of-the-house mom. We've nowhere near mastered our routine. Shoot, I forgot to pump on my first day back because I got busy and distracted. But, I did remember to pick Bailey up! I'll call that a win. 

I'm still not ready for this new norm. I'm still not ready to be back at work. I'm still not ready for Bailey to be with someone else all day, every day. But, it is what it is. At least I get to look forward to this face waiting for me at the end of each day.

PS- Happy Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Bailey: 3 Month Update

I am completely aware that what I'm about to say everyone says, however, it is SO SO SO true. I cannot believe Bailey is already 3 months old. Time has flown by so incredible fast. I swear, I was at the hospital yesterday sure I wasn't in actual labor. It feels both like she was just born and like she's been part of my life forever at the same time. Also totally cliché, but each month just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what next month will bring!

And yet, here we are. 3 months later. Happy 3 month birthday, baby girl!

Age: Three months or if you wanna measure in weeks, 13 weeks and 1 day.

Weight/Height: Not sure about height... haven't had a doctor's appointment since her 1 month, where she was 21 inches long. Weight, however, I definitely know. She's been weighed about once a week since she was born at the breastfeeding support group meeting I've gone to each week. This is my last week going, as I go back to work this week. Tear! Anyway- Monday, 2/10 she clocked in at 9 pounds, 9 ounces!!! Girl finally broke the 9 pound mark!!! WOOWOO!! She's still a small lil' peanut, but she's consistently growing and gaining, which is all that matters to me. 

At 12 weeks, we've officially packed away all her newborn clothes and moved from NB size diapers to size 1. Everyone said I'd be said to pack away her NB clothes. I wasn't. Actually, she probably could have worn them for another week or so. I was just ready for some new wardrobe choices. :) It's about a million times more fun dressing her than it is dressing myself. 

Sleep: Yeaaaaah. I could lie and say "Sleep is going great!" just to look like I have the perfect baby, but that would be a big fat load of BS. I mean, Bailey is perfect (DUH!), but she is not the best sleeper. At the start of the month, she all but refused to sleep in her crib. We had many, MANY nights of me trying to put her to sleep for 3+ hours only to have us both in tears, me BEG her to go to sleep and then finally give up and let her sleep in the bouncy seat with me on the couch next to her. Mother of the Year award, right here. Then she went through a BIG growth spurt, nursing every hour from 5pm-midnight. My boobs felt like they were legit going to fall off. F-U-N. The last week or so (KNOCK ON WOOD!! SERIOUSLY -- GO KNOCK. NOW!) she's been getting a bit better... I'd love to say it's OMG SO GREAT and that she's sleeping through the night. Yeah. Nope. Not even a little. But, it's getting better. For now. :)

The last week or so we've gotten back into a decent rhythm. 7:15pm ish is bath time every other night. Then, at about 7:25pm we get into jammies, read a book or two and then nurse her. She falls asleep and I rock her for about 20 more minutes making sure she's OUT then putting her down in her crib (wahoo! She'll sleep in her crib again!! SMALL WIN!!) at about 8:25pm. I KNOW, I KNOW. Don't nurse a baby to sleep. Put baby down while drowsy, but awake. WHATEVER. Get off me. It's working for now. It's working for us. No apologies here. Some day I'll worry about her being able to put herself to sleep without nursing. Today is not that day. 

Overnight, she is still most definitely not sleeping through the night, but we're still pretty much on a 11:30pm, 3:30am, 6:30am schedule. Luckily, she still pretty much goes right back down after each feeding, so we're not up TOO long during those MOTN feedings. The Hubs still sometimes does the 11:30pm feeding via b-milk bottle and sometimes I nurse her. The worst is when she can't quite make it to 3:30 because if she eats any earlier than that, she won't make it to 6:30am and I've been working really hard to get her used to the 6:30am wake up and nurse call, as when I go back to work in 3 short days (booooo!!!) this'll have to be our routine. We'll see how that works... :)

Naps have also changed a lot this month. She used to be a pretty good napper. Now, she fights them with ALL her might. Girl just has too much to do to nap! Hopefully this is just a short phase and she'll go back to being a great napper soon. We'll see. 

Nursing: Again, nothing really new to report in this area. Nursing continues to go well. While B might not be a great sleeper or napper, she's a rockstar eater. Win some, lose some. Our nursing relationship is about to change BIG time with me going back to work... but, I'm hopeful we can keep going strong with the sessions we have together and I'll pump, pump, pump when she's at daycare. 

Likes: Her play mat. Girl has just recently really started PLAYING. She swats at her toys that hang above her while she lays on her play mat. She also LOVES looking at herself in the mirror hanging above her on the play mat, too. I could stare at her staring at herself for hours. She still loves warm baths, too. She also loves cooing/babbling to herself and to the Hubs and I. She'll almost have like a conversation with us where we'll say something to her and she'll coo then we say "Oh yeah? What else??" and she'll coo more. It's the most adorable thing ever in life. I'm obsessed.

Dislikes: Getting in her carseat. Girl just hates it. Once she's in and we get in the car and start moving (as long as she has her paci), she's OK. But, getting in that damn seat is a battle every. single. time.

Hit or Miss: The swing still. Sometimes she's OK with it, sometimes she's over it before she even starts swinging. She's also hit or miss with being worn. Again, sometimes she seems to like it and other times she cries from the moment I put her in it to the moment I pull her out of it. She's also sometimes OK with and sometimes way over her bumbo seat. We just started trying to have her sit in it for a few minutes a day to help her learn how to sit on her own. 

Special Moments/Milestones: FIRST SMILES!!! Melts my heart every single time. LOVE that little smile. LOOOOOVE. She's also cooing so much now. She had a lot of firsts this month... first long-car ride (6+ hours!), first weekend trip, first trip to the mall, etc. It's so fun realizing "Oh! This is her first time ______!!" Babies really are so incredibly fascinating.

Looking Forward To: Laughs/giggles. I can't wait. Oh, and maybe sleeping through the night? Wishful thinking? :)

NOT looking forward to: Going back to work. UGH! I KNOW I'm not designed to be a stay at home mom. I know that. However, I am not at all ready to leave her. I mean... I miss her when she naps for goodness sake! The idea of leaving her for 9+ hours each day makes me legit cry. I'm going to be a MESS Thursday. Let's not talk about it.

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Baileybug! You're loved more than I'll ever be able to explain. 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Weekly Workout Summary: 1/26-2/1 & 2/2-2/8


Weekly Workout Summary: 1/26-2/1 & 2/2-2/8

Sunday, 1/26: None... though I did shovel snow outside in our driveway for like 30 minutes
Monday, 1/27: Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred & 45 minutes of snow shoveling
Tuesday, 1/28: 35 minutes of random OnDemand strength workouts
Wednesday, 1/298-Minute Arms and 8-Minute Abs
Thursday, 1/30: None
Friday, 1/311-mile walk with Sadie while wearing Bailey
Saturday, 2/1: None

Sunday, 2/2: None
Monday, 2/3: None
Tuesday, 2/4: None
Wednesday, 2/5: Snow Shoveling our driveway for 20 minutes
Thursday, 2/6: Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred
Friday, 2/7: None
Saturday, 2/8Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred

So, clearly this wasn't my greatest week ever. We went out of town 1/31-2/3, so working out then was non-existent. Then, when we got back in town Bailey decided she was anti-napping anywhere but on my chest. Meh. Oh well. I'm still proud of what I did get to do, even if it's microscopic compared to other people. 

I go back to work next week, so it'll be interesting to see how that changes my workout routine/life. Til then, here's a pic of B and I on our 1-mile walk on Friday, 1/31. 

I swear she's in there somewhere! :)

Friday, February 7, 2014

Confessions of a First Time Mom

1. I consider it a "good day" if I get to do 2 things: brush my teeth and put on deodorant. We have about 4-5 good days a week. For the record, today was not a good day.

2. The first week we brought Bailey home I was SO sleep deprived I would wake up in the middle of the night and PANIC because I was SURE I fell asleep holding her and now she was gone. During one nap I was SO SURE I had her when I fell asleep, I stripped all the blankets and pillows off the bed and looked under the bed just to be sure I was wrong. She was safely with the Hubs the whole time. 
(Edited note: These dreams and panic attacks come back anytime I'm SUPER short -- and, I mean SUPER short, not just the now-normal sleep deprived-- on sleep now, which happens semi-frequently. F-U-N.)

3. Speaking of the first few weeks-- I lost more freaking hair than I ever knew possible. Why did no one warn me this would happen? I thought I was going bald!!
Yeah... that might look like it was intentional layers or something... nope. The rest of those strands of hair that are supposed to be as long as all my other hair have just broken off. FUN.

4. TLC is the maternity leave channel everyday from about 7am-Noon. All they play is show after show about babies. Seriously. Babies GALORE! They should just rename the channel to the Maternity Leave channel.

5. Sometimes I worry that I'm not "playing" enough with Bailey. I mean... she just kinda lays there still. I try to play with her, but there's only so much you can do when there's no playing back. Hopefully I'm not totally screwing my kid up. :)

6. I haven't worn a normal bra since she was born. Yep, sorry Victoria's Secret-- you're of no use to me right now. Underwire can hinder breastmilk supply, so it's been all wireless nursing bras. Let me tell you just how sexy these suckers are.... yeaaaaah.

7. Numerous times I day I try to bargain with Bailey as though she can actually understand and respond to me. For example, earlier today I asked Bailey to give me just 5 more minutes so I could finish folding the laundry. I told her after 5 minutes I was all hers. Girl did not care one bit. Needless to say, I did not finish folding the laundry that day.

 8. This has nothing to do with being a first time mom, but since I'm confessing, I figure I mine as well get it off my chest. I never, ever do the warm up or cool down on workout videos. I've never even seen what Jillian's cool down is and I've only ever seen the warm up via fast-forward.
No, Jillian. I will not do arm circles with you. FAST FORWARD! Let's start the workout!

9. I *still* spend more time than I'd like to admit googling things about babies. Some recent searches: "How to get baby asleep?", "What if baby hasn't smiled yet?", "What does breastfed baby diarrhea look like?", "When to start sleep training?", "What if baby doesn't nap?". I really need to stop. I KNOW there are a GAZILLION opinions about everything. I KNOW there won't be some magic, perfect answer out there. Yet, I. CAN'T. STOP. Intervention needed.

10. I admit it: I do drink caffeine, even though I'm breastfeeding. I know, I know. I'm a terrible mom. I limit it to ONE cup of coffee each morning or sips of the Hubs diet pepsi if we go out to eat. However, I will give myself some credit because I am also drinking about 10 gazillion gallons of water each day, too.
EDITED: Yeah, I started this post WEEKS ago and just re-read it before publishing and have since given up caffeine. I read (again, damn google!) that caffeine can hinder b-fed babies sleep, so I gave it up. UGH! Sleep deprivation + no coffee = DANGER! I was 100% caffeine free for 2 1/2 weeks, but it seemed to make no difference AT ALL in her sleep, so I'm not allowing myself the occasional cup of coffee in the morning. When I go back to work, I imagine I'll drink more and more. Ugh.

11. There have been times when I just can't figure out why Bailey is crying. I used to think there was always a tangible reason babies cry: hunger, sleep, diaper, etc. I no longer think this. I now think sometimes, babies just cry. I'm sure somewhere deep down, it is for a reason... maybe it's 1 degree too hot or too cold or their swaddle is one smidgen too tight or too loose. Who knows. It sure seems like sometimes they just cry for NO. REASON. 
This is her t-minute 10 seconds to melt-down face. 

12. Sleep deprivation is hard core. I'm not one who needs a TON of sleep to function... but, damn. I've never been so tired in my entire life. Turns out there's a BIG, BIIIIG difference between 6 consecutive hours of sleep and 6 hours of sleep interrupted for over an hour every 2-3ish hours. Big difference. I was in no way prepared.

13. Being a mom is HARD. Much, much harder than I was expecting. There have been times when I've cried because I can't seem to make Bailey stop crying or because she woke herself up because the paci fell out... again. For the 10th time in the previous 15 minutes. I used to think being a mom would be pretty easy overall. I mean, I worked at a daycare for a summer. I thought I had this whole baby thing down. Yeaaaaah. Being a MOM is a totally different world. My boobs feel like they're going to be sucked dry. I'm covered in baby throw up all. the. time. I can't remember... well, anything, ever. I feel like I'm kinda walking on thin-ice all day long just waiting for the next meltdown. I google almost everything. I doubt every decision. I want to punch every person who asks me if she's sleeping through the night yet. I haven't slept over 4.5 hours in a row since before she was born. I say all this and I think overall Bailey is a pretty good baby. Even "good" babies are still HARD. Like, really, really hard. Again, I was in no way prepared for just how hard.  Good thing babies are so stinkin' cute, huh?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

All Things Boobs

What a fun topic, huh? Breastfeeding! Breastmilk! Pumping! Oh my!

Clearly I am FAR from an expert on either topic. My experience is limited to Bailey and I, however things have been going pretty good, so I thought I'd share what's been working for us.

(Warning: Pics in this post will basically be non-existent as I don't really want pics of my boobs all over the internet, even in the totally natural breastfeeding sense.)

Ok, so maybe what I should have said was not a lot of RELEVANT pics, huh? :) But, seriously... HOW CUTE IS THAT SMILE?!?!?!?

Before I had Bailey I thought breastfeeding would be a walk in the park, if I could get all the physical stuff ok. If she'd latch and take to it, etc.-- I thought I would be in the clear. It was (and still is!) very important to me to breastfeed Bailey. I can't really explain why and don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with formula feeding, but for me-- it's just something I very, very much wanted. And, I was willing to WORK for it. When B was in the NICU I got up every 2 hours like clockwork to pump. While I don't have to do this any more, it's still no walk in the park.

Overall, breastfeeding has been going really, really well with Bailey. Now, that's not to say it's EASY. It's not. It's actually incredibly hard. For me, it hasn't been PHYSICALLY hard. I've been lucky. But, it's definitely been MENTALLY hard. Being 100% responsible for another persons health and well-being is a whole different ball game when your body is physically responsible for her health. It's hard feeling like you spend ALL DAY on the couch with a baby attached to your boob. It's hard having to excuse yourself in social situations to feed the baby. It's hard having to watch a clock to either feed or pump before your boobs become so full they hurt.

It's definitely, definitely not easy. And, about a gazillion times harder than I thought pre-Bailey. I mean, before I had a baby I thought "It's breastfeeding! How hard can it be? Babies are built to do it!" Yeaaaaaaah. Newsflash: I was DUMB. It is TOUGH. There's supply issues and timing and latch and positioning and on and on and on. Way more to it than simply putting the baby by the boob. Who knew?!?!?

Bailey and I are still using a nipple shield, which isn't the most fun thing in the world, but it works for us and really isn't too bad. I actually lost-lost my first one today. Stupid thing is GONE and I have no idea where. One tip I would give any mom who has to use one of these is to have MULTIPLE shields in multiple places in your house. I have 2 in her nursery by the glider, where we feed at night and first thing in the morning and 2 in the living room, where we feed throughout the day.

The toughest part of breastfeeding for me has been cluster feeding. It's totally normal, and basically means she'll essentially feed like non-stop for a few hours. It's especially common in the evening hours, which is right on for Bailey. From 7-10ish, girl wants to eat almost non-stop. Again, it's more mentally tough than anything else. To have a baby attached to do and to be able to not even move to go to the bathroom, let alone clean up or eat dinner or anything, is harder than it may seem when it's hours on end day after day. Cluster feeding is supposed to lessen as the child exits the "fourth" trimester, so maybe this issue will be wrapped up soon. We'll see.

Another pain-in-the-ass part of breastfeeding is the dreaded pump. Some b-feeding mom's don't pump. SO LUCKY. I'm jealous. Since I started pumping because B was in the NICU and couldn't actually feed from the breast yet, I just kinda kept going. I don't pump every 2 hours like I was then (THANK GOD!!)... I just kinda pump whenever I can... maybe 3-4 times a day. It's been a good way to build up a freezer stash for when I go back to work and nice so the Hubs or whoever can give her a bottle if I'm not around (or so I can SLEEP!!). The pump blows. And, who would have thought that one small little pump could produce SO MANY things to wash like 12 gazillion times a day??
Yes. I hate the pump. I legit feel like a cow being milked every time. The sound of the motor makes me cringe. But, it's important to me to breastfeed B, so it's a necessary evil.

My b-feeding goals are ideally to b-feed her exclusively (no solids or supplements) for 6 months. We're almost half way there!! I'd LOOOOOVE to b-feed for a full year, if possible. I know as I go back to work that will be harder and harder. But, I also know me. And, if something's important to me (like this is) and if I CAN do it (ie: if I have a pump and a place to pump at work, both of which I do) and if my supply remains (that's a BIG if!!), I'm pretty confident I'll keep at it. I'm pretty stubborn like that.

Even when she's crying she's just so stinkin' cute!! PS- LOVE this shirt! Thanks, Auntie Jen! 

A few things I'm doing now to help me reach my goal:

- PUMPING. Bleah. We just talked about how much this sucks. But, like I said, it's giving me a freezer stash and it will be ESSENTIAL after I go back to work so I can send Bailey with b-milk to daycare. I'd LOVE to be able to nurse and not have to pump, but that's not my reality. 
- Speaking of pumping, here's a tip. Keep the dirty parts in the fridge between pumping sessions throughout the day, then just sanitize them once at the end of the day. The cold fridge stops bacteria from growing. Then, you don't have to lose your mind by washing, washing, washing, washing... :)
Ignore the beer in the background :)

- Having the Hubs give Bailey a bottle once a day right now. We don't do a bottle everyday, but most days we do. This may seem counter intuitive, but without this mental and physical break, I'd be sleeping less and I think overall it'd be WAY harder. It's just nice to have a short break.
- Going to a breastfeeding support group. While b-feeding has been around for... well, ever, many, many women do not do it. Without the support of this group to tell me to keep going and to encourage me and to tell me I'm doing a great job, I'm not sure I would have even lasted this long.

- Drinking Mother's Milk tea and eating oatmeal everyday to keep my supply up.

- Leaning on the Hubs. There's obviously only so much the Hubs can do to help with b-feeding... you know, since he's lacking in the whole boobage area. But, he is a huge help in other ways. He cleans my pump parts every night (without me asking!!!), asks if I need anything, constantly fills up my water glass (b/c b-feeding makes me thirsty like nothing I've ever experienced before!), and other little things which add up to being a BIG help. 
- Just NOT giving up... especially during cluster feeding moments. Trust me, I want to. SO bad. It's HAAAARD and so, so, so tiring. I try to think of it like the marathon. Cluster feeding moments are like peak training weeks. FAR from easy, but you HAVE to do them so you can make it through the race. Corny? Sure. But, it helps me mentally get through. 

So, yeah. Breastfeeding is freaking HARD. All those people who say it's the most natural thing in the world... well, maybe they're right. But, what they DON'T tell you is how much goes into it and how it's not all sparkles and unicorns. But, I firmly believe it's worth it for me and for Bailey. 

So, that's that. All things boobs in one blog post. Sexy, huh?