Thursday, June 28, 2012

Two Thing Thursday: Miley Cyrus and Real Housewives of OC

There is not enough coffee in the world to put a pep in my step today. I didn't sleep great, so I'm GRUMPY. I skipped the morning workout in favor of TRYING to get more sleep. That was a bust. I'll get my 6 miles in this afternoon, where it will hopefully give me that wonderful post-run energy to get me through the rest of the day. I had big plans to clean the apartment and go through one of our hallway closets tonight (we're moving in a month, so I want to start going through stuff now to make the move easier). We'll see if any of that'll happen. My votes on me, curled up on the couch, watching the end of True Blood.

Ok... onto Two Thing Thursday. Enjoy!

Two Songs I'm Currently Obsessed With:
1. Paradise by Coldplay
2. Toy Soldier by Britney Spears
Don't judge. I love me some Britney. Ok, not some. ALL. I love ALL Britney. I'm obsessed. I've been a fan since she came out. I vividly remember buying the "Hit Me Baby One More Time" SINGLE when it first came out (remember when you could buys just CD SINGLES? Crazy!). Is she a great singer? Nah. But, her music is catchy and fun and I love it. Great gym music.

Two Random Things In My Purse:
1. A pair of white gym socks.
2. SEVEN pens. Who needs even two ink pens in their purse, let alone seven??

Two Things I Did at Work Today:
1. Gave a presentation to parents on connecting with our universtiy via social media
2. Walked around campus like a mad woman for over a mile between meetings

Two Foods I Can't Get Enough Of:
1. Special K Sour Cream and Onion Chips.
I'm a volume eater. I enjoy the act of simply eating. So, these chips, while they have no nutritional value or merit... they are the BOMB. You get like 27ish chips for 110 calories or something. Plus, they're GOOD. I love SC&O flavored chips. YUM!  
2. Chocolate covered, PB filled pretzel nugget things. I bought the Hubs a big bin from TJ's for his birthday earlier this month and somehow (I honestly have NO idea how and am freaking amazed!) they've lasted this long. Every few days I grab a handful. They are one of my favorite sweets. SO good.

Two Random Facts About Me:
1. My iPhone case is red. It used to be purple, but I dropped it so many times the case cracked (better the case than the phone!). I miss the purple one.
2. I've been listening to the same Pandora station (Run. Radio) for over 2 weeks at work everyday. I'm a smidge obsessed.

Two Random Facts About the Hubs and Me:
1. Almost every week there is at least 1 type of left over pizza in our fridge. It's the Hubs favorite food and we get or make it almost once every week.
2. When we moved in together we found out we had several of the same DVDs (even though our taste in movies is almost totally opposite), so we took them to a used DVD store and got enough money to take oursevles out to dinner our first night living together.

Two Things I'm Looking Forward to This Weekend:
1. A long run! I have 13 on the schedule and I can't wait! I need some good, quailty ME + RUNNING time. Best therapy ever. However, mother nature might have some other ideas...

UGH! Hopefully both the storms and the heat will hold off at least for Saturday from 6am-8am.
2. Coffee date with two friends I haven't seen in a while. We all used to work together, but they've both gotten new jobs so we've scattered. BOO. Anyway-- I miss them and am super excited to see them for a coffee date. PLUS, it's a GREAT excuse to buy one of those $12398 fancy coffee drinks. Double bonus!

Two Celebrities I Like (even though I shouldn't):
1. Miley Cyrus. I KNOW! She's SO annoying and blah, blah, blah. I can't help it. I just think she's so stinking cute! 

2. Mandy Moore. I don't even think this should count in this category b/c I think she's completely likeable and I am not ashamed at ALL to love the crap outta her. Mandy Moore in movies, love it. Mandy Moore songs, love them. Mandy Moore = love. 

Two Show I'm Watching:
1. Real Housewives of Orange County. AHHHH! I know! SO SO SO BAD! Whatever. Don't judge. It's just GOOD, bad reality TV. I only watch 2 of the Real Housewives. I promise. OC and NYC. Whatever. I love it. No appologies here.

2. TRUE BLOOD!!!! Ahhhh!!!! I have 2 more episodes left in Season 4. And, yes-- I did JUST start it a few days ago. I'm obsessed.
I mean... just LOOK at that freaking Rolling Stones cover. Damn. The shows a little crazy, a lot of bloody, a whole lotta R-rated-ness... but, I love it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

WIAW - Round 9


I actually kinda hate it when people call it that. I'm not even sure why I just called it that. And, I'm not really in a PEPPY, all-caps, exclamation point kinda mood either. I'm tired (the 5am alarm was WAY too early today, but I did drag myself outta bed and get a sweat spinning session in). And crabby (no time for a mid-day workout today AND it's our last sand v-ball game tonight... tear!). And OMG so sore. SO, SO sore. Bascially every part of my body except my hands and my head is sore. OUCH.

Ok, rather than continuing to bitch and moan and complain, let's just get straight to What I Ate Wednesday (ala Jen, our host).

*Reminder: These are my meals, snacks, drinks, etc. from Tuesday.

Breakfast: Around 8:30am (About 195 calories)
I had to eat earlier than I usually do because of a 9am meeting. I'm out of Greek yogurt, but recently bought a pack of TJ's Whole Wheat Slims (100 cal) that I am LOVING. So, I made about 2 egg whites in the microwave while toasting one said slim and a piece (torn into 2, one for each side) of low-fat colby jack cheese (50 cal) in the toaster oven. I realize I am INCREDIBLY lucky to have access to a microwave, toaster oven, and fridge at work and I take full advantage. I eat it open face because it makes me feel like I get more. I'm a total nutcase. It's OK. Oh, I also had an (unpictured) mug of coffee. An extra large glass of delicious cinnamon flavored coffee, with a serving of benebiber (note: I take benefiber twice a day, as directed by my doctor. I generally don't even count these calories (15/serving) or even think about the fact that it's part of what I eat each day, but for the sake of putting EVERYTHING down, I'll list it. I likely won't remember to list it each WIAW so... sorry in advance, I suppose!).

Other: Around 1:20pm (15 calories)
Not really sure what to call this because it's certainally not a MEAL or even a SNACK. After a lunchbreak 4-miler I chugged a bottle of water with a serving of benefiber. (note: I take benefiber twice a day, as directed by my doctor)

Lunch: Around 1:45pm (About 270 calories)
This is an old pic, but it's about right. I had about 1 1/2 (it's all I had left. I forgot to buy it at the grocery store this week. Dangit!) tbsp of Supremely Spicey Hummus (told you I was addicted!) with a serving of Special K chips (not shown... in this pic they are pretzel thins... I ran out of those too. I pretty much sucked at grocery shopping this week). I also had baby carrotts and an (unpictured) low-fat cheese stick and a diet pepsi. I took 1 bite into the apple I brought and pitched it. I LOVE apples... but, I'm very picky about the crunchiness level. This one did not pass the test. Straight to the trash it went. Sad day.

Snack 1: Around 2:45pm (0 calories)
Ok, this isn't really a "snack". I (very suprisingly) wasn't crazy starving after lunch... I was busy working on a few projects and honestly just think I was too busy to be hungry. Weird. Anyway-- I was COLD (damn A/C cranked way up!), so that brought on this snack: my all time favorite hot tea.

Snack 2: Around 4:00pm (About 100 calories)
I started to get hungry right around 3:30pm. I tried to just make it til dinner, but when my tummy was still growling at 4, I knew I needed a snack. Enter, raw, slightly salted TJ's almonds. Delicious. I had about 1/2 a serving and paired it with a Diet Coke for a lil' caffeine boost.

Snack 3: Around 5:30pm (About 200 calories)
(Unpictured) 5 TJ's chocolate-covered-PB-filled-pretzel bites. SO good. 
Dinner: Around 6:00pm (About 400 calories)
The Hubs didn't have to work late (YAY!!), so we took full advantage and went out for dinner. We went to Brothers, one of his favorites. I'm just kinda meh on the place, but that's ok. I got a grilled chicken sandwich (no cheese) with fries and water to drink (though I admit I had several sips of the Hubs diet pepsi). I only ate the chicken (not the bun) and a litle less than half the fries, so it ended up actually being a pretty light dinner.

Snack 4: Around 8:15pm (150 calories)
Air popped popcorn. With a side of True Blood (to watch, not to eat).

Total Calories for Day: Around 1330

Note: I'm not "dieting", but I am watching what I eat and trying to stay around 1400ish calories a day. I was well over 1400 Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday... whatev. I'm OK with it. Life's a balancing act. I did make a very deliberate effort to watch what I ate Tuesday and plan to Wednesday and Thursday, as well... again for balance. I do not want to GAIN weight during this marathon training, but am not actively trying to lose weight either. I do have some weight I can/should lose (based on my height and current weight), but am not really actively seeking that right now.  

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

So, this happened...

So, this happened...

Yesterday I'm at the indoor track during my "lunch" hour, like most days. I go at different times day to day depending on other meetings and office coverage and such. I wrap up my 4 miles on the far side of the track, so I'm walking the last half a lap back to the entrance. Not sure if you can tell, but there are a couple of cardio machines (elliptical, bike, rower) in each corner of our indoor track.

So, I'm approaching one of the courner where a guy is doing the bike. I noticed him about 3 laps (8 laps = 1 mile on our track) while I was running. He's getting off his bike and motions to me to take my headphones off. I do and stop and...

Guy: Dude- how far do you run?
Me: Um, huh? Like today or ever? (Clearly I'm suffering from post-run mental-blackout-ness... it's a scientific disorder... totally legit)
Guy: I see you here all the time. RUNNING. How?
Me: Um... what?
Guy: You're ALWAYS RUNNING. How far do you run?
Me: Well, it varies every time... today I ran 4 miles.
Guy: HOLY CRAP. HOW?!? WHY?!?!
Me: Err... I mean- I just run. I don't know how. I'm training for a marathon, so I have to get certain mileage in.
Guy: A MARATHON??? How far is that??
Me: 26.2 miles.
Guy: OH MY GOD. You're crazy.
Me: Kinda.
Guy: I could never run that far. I can't even run a mile. I can't even do the bike for more than like 10 minutes.
Me: I used to say the same thing. You just start small and build slowly.
Guy: Whatever. You're crazy.
Me: .... <Shoulder shrug>.... Have a good day!

Now, to some people I realize this means pretty much nothing. I'll even admit that to me, now, running 4 miles isn't all that impressive. I get it. But...

to ME... it made my f-ing day! Someone was AMAZED. By ME. Say whaaaaat??? Someone (and a GUY! A fit, in shape (looking) male) was impressed with my athletic ability. Now, I have always been athletic and played sports in grade school... but, I've never been particularly GOOD at anything, let alone had someones jaw drop over one of my workouts.

So, thank you Holister-shirt-wearing-at-the-gym guy. I had a huge smile plastered all over my face for the rest of the day because of you. You made me PROUD of myself. You made me really think about just how far I've come and how it really is freaking amazing to be able to run-- any distance, let alone to be on your way to running a MARATHON.
So, again-- thank you, guy. You really did make my day.  

Monday, June 25, 2012

Ikea, 10-mile run AND walk, and a Popcorn Fiasco


I can't believe the weekend's already over. BOOOO!! Luckily, it was a great weekend and I'm feeling refreshed and ready to take on the week. We'll see how long that lasts. I give it til about 10am.

I started my day off at the gym (shocker!) with a 60-minute Spinning Class and got good n' sweaty. Tons of climbs and lots of in and out of the saddle. I love the Monday morning teacher. Mainly because she plays Britney Spears and even "Call Me Maybe" sometimes. Also because she kicks my booty. But, mainly because of the Britney thing. Duh. I also did 2 QUICK miles on the treadmill at a 8:20 pace! I really pushed and was SUPER happy with the result. I'm hoping to someday be able to do 2 miles in 8:00s flat. We'll see.

But, let's back up and chat about the weekend before this peppy-Meagan-mood wears off...

I just REALLY had to work to remember wtf I even DID all weekend. Ok, let's start with Friday. Friday started off with a slow morning at work (it's summer, campus is so quiet!), but picked up when I left work at noon to drive THREE HOURS (ugh!) to meet two friends (including this girl) to go to Ikea and Trader Joe's! Yes, I did drive THREE HOURS just to go to a furniture store and a grocery store. Man, I feel old. Ok, it was more about getting to spend a few hours with amazing friends than about the shopping, but still.

We started at Ikea where I was thiiiiiis close to buying a new coffee table, end tables, and TV stand. They didn't have the coffee table in stock. BOO!! I was mega bummed. Oh well. I did walk outta there $80 poorer with a new lamp, 2 cutting boards, a wall magnetic strip for knives, 2 sets of curtains, and few other odds and ends. I'll call it successful. 

Then, we stopped at a DELICIOUS cupcake store I saw on the way in. YUM! We each got a different kind and shared them all 3 ways. Best decision ever. They were SOOO good! I even got the Hubs one to-go and got to snag a bite (or 2 or 3) of that one last night! Sadly, my phone died (DANGER!), so I got NO pics. Bummer.

Trader Joe's and dinner were next. TJ's never disappoints and a local Thai place next door was amazing too. 3 hours later, and I got home right around midnight and fell into bed immediately. For a girl who goes to bed at 9pm all week, midnight was crazy late.

Luckily, the weather the next day wasn't going to be BRUTAL, so I could sleep in til 7 and still get my long run in. 

10 miles later and I felt GREAT. The first mile was ROUGH and I started to tell myself just to do 8 and I could call it. But, by mile 5 I knew I could pull all 10 out. I finished my run just in time to make it to a 60-minute yoga class at my gym. I even had 10 minutes to spare so I got a quick mile on the elliptical in while Facebooking and Twitter-ing. Perfect morning. 

I got home, lunched, and then headed out for a LOOOONG, 7-mile walk with the Hubs. It was a GREAT walk, but MAN! My legs were SCREAMING by the end. So, naturally the only solution was fro-yo. Duh.

Saturday ended with a lazy night at home... pizza, wine and a redbox. Perfection! 

Sunday I got 80-minute of elliptical cross-training in. I was BEYOND bored. Not even the combo of a Cosmo, my book, and my iPad could make those 80 minutes barebable. Ugh! Oh well. 80 minutes of cross training-- done and done!

After I got home the Hubs and I wen out for a 3-mile walk. We went straight from walking to eating at a delicious local bar right on the St. Joesph river. The weather was GORGEOUS, so we ate outside. The Hubs used to HATE going for walks with me... but, now that I have the Garmin and he can get all "let's see how far we can go!" or "let's try to walk faster than last time!" geeked out about it, he's all for it. 

We spend the rest of the day Sunday going through our kitchen top to bottom-- we had like FOUR of the exact same frying pans. Who needs that?!?! With our big move coming up, we're trying to slowly go through ALL our stuff and purge, purge, purge. We just have SO. MUCH. CRAP. 1 room down! Sunday night we made turkey brats with grilled peppers and onions, fries, and green beans for dinner.

Later, we watched The Net on Netflix Instant. Gotta love old school 90s suspense movies.

The Hubs made popcorn... or, should I say, he tried to make popcorn and then we actually got to eat SOME of the popcorn.

Fail. It was quite the popcorn fiasco. Poor guy. He tries so hard. Let's be honest-- I still ate it. Hey, if it's 3-seconds for the floors it's gotta be like 15-seconds for the counter, right??

The Hubs got called into work at 8pm (EWWWW!! Poor guy!!), so I made our lunches, packed my gym back for today, and  watched a gory, amazing episode of True Blood (I'm a season behind... I just started on season 4! No spoilers!!) and then crashed by 9:15pm. I'm telling ya... I'm a wild child.  

Weekly Workout Recap (6/18-6/24)- Marathon Training Week 4

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping."
~Chinese Proverb

Weekly Workout Recap (6/18-6/24)- Marathon Training Week 4:
(reminder: actual in red, plan in blue)
Monday (6/18): Spinning & 2 miles & 3 miles {Spinning & 4 miles}
Tuesday (6/19): 6.25 miles {Signature Strength & 4 miles}
Wednesday (6/20): Spinning & 2 Sand Volleyball Games & 5 miles {Spinning}
Thursday (6/21): 50 min. elliptical & 6.5 miles {6 miles}
Friday (6/22): Rest  {Rest}
Saturday (6/23): 10 mile LR, 10 min. elliptical, 60-min Yoga class, 7 mile walk with the Hubs {9 mile LR}
Sunday (6/24): 80 min. elliptical & 3 mile walk with the Hubs {Cross Train- 90 min.}

Totals for Week 4:
32.75 Miles Run {23 Miles}
2 Spinning Classes {2 Spinning Classes}
0 Signature Strength Class {1 Signature Strength Class}
140 Minutes on Elliptical {60 min. Cross Train}
2 Sand Volleyball Games {None on plan}
10 Miles Walked {None on plan}
1 Rest Days {1 Rest Day}

This was supposed to be a step/cut-back week. Last week was supposed to be 23 miles (I did 32.75) and this week was supposed to be taken down to 23 to give my body a "rest". Did I do this? Sorta. I ended the week with 32.75, only a mile less than last week. Whoops. The 10 miles of walking over the weekend probablly didn't help too much to the whole "rest" thing either. But, I am feeling MUCH better this Monday than I was last Monday.

I think this "step back" week came at a good time because my body was tired and just a little worn. Doing my LR on Sundays always makes the next week a little more rough, so this past week started out with me already being exhausted. Hopefully, because I only had a light workout this Sunday, this coming week will be better. Here's hoping!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Two Thing Thursday, Part 2

Say whaaaaat? It's Thursday already?!?!? I started today off with 50 minutes on th elliptical and a mile on the ol' mill. Then, at lunch I did 5.5 miles on the indoor track.

This week has just been FLYING by.. and I am not complaining! I've got exciting plans with friends tomorrow and a low-ish key weekend on the horizon. I am completely BEAT, so I'm pretty pumped for a rest day tomorrow too. So, hurry up, Friday! For now... here's round 2 of Two Thing Thursday.

Two Songs I'm Currently Obsessed With:
1. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen (you already knew this if you read this... again, don't judge)
2. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant

Two of My Favorite Running Products:
1. My Garmin. I have the Forerunner 305 and I'm obsessed with it.
All this "run naked" (aka: w/o a Garmin) talk terrifies me. Why? Why would you do that to yourself? Pass.
2. Women's Performance Stretch Active Capris from Old Navy. I love them!

Two Foods I'm Currently Addicted To:
1. Sabra Supremely Spicy Hummus. I've had it for lunch almost everyday for the last 2 weeks. I can't get enough.

2. Goat Cheese. I didn't really like cheese much when I was younger. I could take it or leave it. I'm still not a HUGE cheese fan... for example, I almost never get cheese on a sandwich or a buger. But, I'm becoming more and more of a fan. Lately, I'm all about the goat cheese. Bring it on!!

Two Websites I've Visited Today:
1. I'm a shopper. Lately, new gym clothes/running accessories have been on my mind like 24/7.
2. Ok. That one is lame. I understand that. But, it's the truth.

Two Things on My Desk:
1. The coolest pad of post it's ever. Can't read that? It says "Lucky" and then has a picture of a dog. The only thing that would make it better is if it had a pic of a duck instead of a dog. I use the phrase "Lucky duck!" at least once a day.

2. A dirty coffee cup. Duh.

Two Random Facts About Me:
1. I have a red swingline stapler ala Office Space at work. Most students who come into my office comment on it. Best purchase ever. Btw, if you haven't seen the movie Office Space I'm not sure we can be friends. And, I might have to start making you wear like 10,000 pieces of flair and do TPS reports all day. But, you don't even know what that means.

2. Let's stick with the movie theme, huh? Ok... I can quote about 80-90% of the movie Wedding Crashers. My college roommate and I literally used to have entire conversations just quote the movie back and forth. In fact, we still randomly text each other Wedding Crashers quotes out of nowhere. I tried to look back in text convos to attach a pic of one of them, but they all have very, very bad words and that shit just wouldn't fly on this classy blog.

Two Things I Do Every, Single Day:
1. Kiss the hubs. Vomit, I know.

2. Check Facebook. I'm just being honest.

Oh, admit it, you check Facebook like crazy too. :)

Beating a Gym Rat


I saw this today online and decided to share it for two reasons:

1. Isn't it crazy that, seeing as how running IS a sport and therefore should be competitive, our biggest competition really is (assuming you're not Kara Goucher or someone who actually makes their living out of running) just ourselves? I am a competitive person. I like to WIN. In running, during races... it never even crosses my mind that I have to beat anyone except myself. Sure, sometimes I use someone running near me to give me a little push... but, ultimately the only person I'm trying to beat is ME.

2. While, yes-- running is very in-your-own-head and not competitive for me... it still feels good to beat people sometimes. Last night I went to the gym between my 2 volleyball games (the Hubs had to miss Game 1 because he was working late and my gym is less than a block from the sand volleyball courts) to get a few miles in and after my first mile or so one of THOSE guys got onto the treadmill next to me. You know... he was one of those guys that just exudes gym-rat (and I use that term endearingly... I am a total gym rat!) arrogance. Like he thinks that anyone who isn't ripped like him shouldn't even be there. He carries a milk jug of water. And shaves his chest. And wears a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out and WAY down so the arm-pit hole is practically to his waist line. One of THOSE guys (For the record, I realize this is a HUGE stereotype and generalization, but that's the vibe I got from him.). Though I was a little preoccupied watching more Pretty Little Liars on my iPhone, I did notice him start to run at the same pace I was going cruising along at. So, I upped mine 1 level. I couldn't help it. He upped his a few minutes later, so I upped mine again-- two more levels this time. After about 20 more minutes of me going back and forth between several levels faster than him, he was clearly breathing much harder than I was and stopped and got off the treadmill. Now, maybe his run was just done or maybe his legs were crazy tired from a workout the day before or maybe 1,000 other reasons. Whatever. I won. As he was wiping down his treadmill and I was still running he gave me one of those nods. Like somehow I must be OK since I ran faster and longer than him, even though I don't LOOK the gym-rat part. He might be a totally nice person and completely un-gym-rat d-bag-y. Doesn't really matter. What mattered to me in that minute wasn't that I was beating me... it was that I beat him. And, that felt good. Really good. Probably better than it should have, but I was having a crummy day and dammit it just felt good to win. I admit it.

So, whether that days running is a solo-sport kinda day or an I-wanna-beat-the-pants-off-this-guy-next-to-me kinda running day... go with it. Just run. Running is an amazing sport and I love it. Hell, I even love it even when I'm the one getting the pants beat off of me.

So, I run. I run beacuse I love it.   

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Confession Time

Ok, it's confession time...

While WIAW might have already been covered and touched on my Monday foods... I need to confess my TODAY foods. Because, it's been bad. Very bad.

I've been eating all day. Like, I can. not. stop.

My office had a meeting over breakfast today at a local diner. I tried to "be good". I really did. (Spoiler: I didn't succeed).

I had 1/2 an 4-egg egg white and spinach omelet (w/ cheese, but I didn't eat too much of it-- honestly-- most of the cheese was in the middle and I ate both ends... I'm weird). {Side note: Why do they feel the need to make a FOUR egg omelet??? Who needs FOUR eggs and more shit in it?? Seriously! }I got fruit instead of hash browns (Spoiler: that was the only good choice I've made today) and then I had a choice: toast, pancake, or biscuit and gravy.

I know I should have gotten the toast. I know that. I did not do that. I got the biscuit and gravy.

It just sounded SO good. Of course it did, Meagan, you dummy. It had the word GRAVY in the name! To give myself a smidge of credit, I did only eat 1 biscuit and about 1/2 the gravy. Still.

After the meeting I got to my office at about 9. Normally I don't even eat breakfast til 9, so I should have been STUFFED.

And, I was STUFFED. Well beyond just full.

But, then I couldn't stop thinking about food. Food, food, food. All I wanted and could think about was MORE FOOD.

So, I ate. And ate. And ate.

I made the conscious decision to eaaaaaaat, KNOWING I wasn't hungry and mentally acknowledging both that fact and the fact that I didn't need any more that morning. Didn't matter. I wanted food. 

I had 2 laffy taffys, 2 mini kit kats, and 2 fun size skittles. Demolished them. In under 10 minutes. I couldn't stop. I don't even think I tasted any of it.

THEN, I had a bag of baked cheetos and a diet coke.

It wasn't even 10am.

And, I KNEW I had lunch plans at Noon, so it's not like I could tell myself "Oh, you'll skip lunch" or "Oh, I'll just eat really late lunch". Nope. It was just a good ol' fashion pig out.

I went to Panera at noon for lunch with a friend and had the You Pick Two with 1/2 the BBQ chicken salad and 1/2 an asiago roast beef sand (w/o mayo and cheese). And the baguette (duh).

OMG. How have I eaten all that?? How could I have eaten all that before 1pm?? Seriously.  

I just couldn't stop. Now, I feel GROSS. Disgustingly full and my pants are tight and my tummy's upset and BLEH.

But, worse-- I feel BAD. I feel disappointed in myself.  I'm MAD at myself. And, I can't stop thinking about it, which is just making me think about food EVEN MORE.

How come when you start the day eating bad it's ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT?

How come when we're "bad" we BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA OURSELVES mentally but when we workout like a beast we hardly mentally acknowledge it? Ok... maybe not "we". Maybe just ME.

Why am I so hard on myself on the bad days? Why do I not give myself much (or even any sometimes!) credit on the good days? Why am I my own worst enemy and my biggest critic? Why can't I be my biggest cheerleader?

I know I need to work on cutting myself some slack and accepting that I AM NOT PERFECT. So far from it. I know that. And, yet- I get mad at myself when I make poor choices. I know I need to learn to accept myself for the good and the bad. Accept that there are going to be BAD days. Accept that there are going to be GOOD days. Yesterday, I stayed right at1400 calories-- including a trip for $2 burgers (Yes, again this week! Don't judge!) AND had a good running day. Today, I went to spinning and ate my weight in candy. It happens.

As some wonderful friends have told me today when I unloaded all this on them earlier-- bad days happen. Hungry days happen. So what?!?!? I could have made even WORSE choices. I could have made better choices. It happens. Get over it. Now-- now, I need to decide how the REST of the day will go. That's all I can control now. And, ya know what-- if it's just a freaking hungry day, then so be it. Try to make better choices. Eat some protein. Drink lots of water. But, eat if it's just one of those days. Eat a lot, even. If it's a hungry day, it's a hungry day.
HAT'S OK! No one died. No one went to jail. It's OK.

Tomorrow can be a better day. Hell, even the rest of today can be a better rest of today. But, it's OK if they're not. I have good days, I have bad days, I have better days, I have worse days. It happens and it's going to continue to happen.

So, I'll work on it. I am working on it. I'll continue to work on it. I'll keep trying to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself. I'll keep trying to be PROUD of myself for the good things.

And, for the record I realize I JUST posted about almost this same concept, but about skipping workouts. I'm just a big barrel of fun lately. And an even bigger work in progress.