But, there are a few things lately that absolutely break my heart when I hear....
"So, do you just have the one kid?"
Congrats, asshat. You can count.
"When are you having another one?" or "Don't you want another one?"
It's none of your business if I want another child or not. Who the F do you think you are?
"You better make her a big sister soon! You don't want her to be an only child!"
OMG. This one kills me. One of the biggest reasons I want another child is because I don't want Bailey to be an only child. I have an amazing relationship with my siblings and I want the same for Bailey. The idea that she might be alone when the Hubs and I get older completely breaks my heart. Thanks for reminding me that I'm failing at giving her that.
99% of the time when someone says something like that I know they mean no harm. They don't know we've been trying for over a year. They don't know it breaks my heart into a gazillion little pieces. They don't know it's the 5th time that week I've been asked that. I know that. But, it still stings so incredibly bad.
99% of the time, I let it go and just reply something like "We're working on it!" But, every once in a while, I can't help it and I open up. I tell them I'd LOVE to have another one and that we've been trying for over a year and have been to fertility doctors and nothing so far and I'm sad and frustrated and dying inside. OK, maybe not that word for word, but something close. Almost every time the response I get from the person is something else I don't want to hear...
"You shouldn't be upset. At least you have one kid. Focus on that. You're so blessed already."
Here's the thing: I KNOW I'm so incredibly lucky that I have one kid already. Of COURSE I know that. I love Bailey so very, very much. Little girl has me wrapped around her finger. She's my world. But (and this is a big but), that doesn't mean I can't want another child. It doesn't mean I can't be so upset I haven't been able to get pregnant. It just doesn't. I'm not sure anyone who hasn't gone through it can understand, but just because I have one child who I love more than life itself doesn't mean I can't be totally heartbroken I'm not having another one.
"It'll happen when you least expect it! Stop thinking about it and stop trying and it'll happen."
Because it's just that easy to stop thinking about something you want with every fiber of your being. I'll just think about cheese instead. Great idea.
"My friend did X, Y, Z and she got pregnant like that!" or "Maybe you're not getting pregnant because you eat gluten (or whatever else)."
I've tried X, Y, Z. About a million times. Trust me. I've done more research than you. I know what I'm doing, believe it or not. I got it. It's JUST NOT HAPPENING. It's not not happening because I'm not doing something. I promise. It's just not happening. There's literally no known reason. DOCTORS have told me that. Simple, and painful, as that.
I KNOW people don't mean anything. I know. I KNOW. But, it still hurts. So, do me a favor and just don't say those things to people, ok? Thanks. :)