Monday, February 15, 2016

Things I'm Tired of Seeing

Fucking tampons. Every single month I have to buy these stupid things and every single month it just kills me. It's one of Mother Natures biggest jokes. Not only does it remind me that I'm STILL not pregnant, but I also have to spend money on stupid tampons, have painful cramps, and bloat a couple pant sizes. Super fun times.

This door. To almost every one else, it's just a door. And behind that door is just an empty bedroom. To me, from the day we moved in and painted this room a neutral green, this has been "Future Baby T's Room". After more than a year of trying, it is still "Future Baby T's Room" and simply put it tears my heart apart. Most days, I can just ignore it and try not to look at the door way. Most days, I simply choose to look left instead of right when I walk out of the master bedroom. But, some days. Some days I can't help it. I look. I stare. I'm memorized by it and paralyzed by it. I can't help it. I cry. I feel sorry for myself. I feel like an asshole for feeling sorry for myself. I get mad. I get sad. I cry more. And then I sorta get over it and the next day I don't look. It's a painful cycle I just don't know how to stop.

When I stop to think about how long I've been taking Prenatal Vitamins, I can't help but laugh. It's somehow comical to me. I've been taking this vitamin for pregnant women for longer than a woman is pregnant and have no baby to show for it. It's not funny. I know that. But, I laugh. Hey, it's better than crying, right?

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