I'm having a bad day.
Bailey was up more than usual last night and I didn't get to bed til 10pm, making a whopping total of 5ish hours max of sleep and that was broken up with 2 nursing sessions and 4 paci-retrievals.
I was supposed to get to work early today so of course Bailey had a monster blow out 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave. 25+ wipes, a new diaper, a new outfit, and the old poop-stained outfit soaking in cold water later and then she spit up all over me before I could put a robe over my work clothes, causing me to change my shirt.
Finally we were out the door. Late. Likely with poop still hiding somewhere on my child.
Then I got to work late for a meeting where I realized I still had baby vomit in my hair. And I didn't have time to pump. Throw in that I realized as I was walking into my meeting late that I neither put deodorant on nor brushed my teeth this morning... you know, just for good measure.
My boobs are craaaazy sore from pumping and hurt.
I have a cold and can't take anything for it because I'm nursing.
Now, I'm pumping as I write this when I really should be checking email and working, but my mental sanity needs a 10 minute "break" (as much of a "break" as pumping could ever be considered).
I have to work til well past 8pm tonight, getting me back after Bailey's bedtime so I've already seen her as much as I will today and that just makes my heart ache.
I haven't gotten to work out since Saturday and likely won't get to on my "lunch hours" all this week because I'll be working through lunch. Fun.
Today, I feel like a whiny failure mother of the year and failure employee of the year (ok... maybe month) all at once. I feel like I'm falling short in every way, not giving 100% to anything. Ugh. I know I'm being dramatic. I KNOW that in my head. But, my heart feels differently and it's putting up one hell of an argument and fight. I know tomorrow I'll wake up and it'll be a new day and things will look and feel different. But, today... ugh.
So, I'm choosing to say "F YOU" to today and let go of control. It's a bad day. Yep. It'll likely keep being bad. But, I'm also choosing to remind myself it's just one day and that tomorrow is a new day.