I HATE RUNNING (even when I love running)

Sometimes, running is marvelous. The stars align. The temperature is perfect. There are rainbows and unicorns and glitter and cupcakes. A "quick" pace feels easy. Legs feel fresh. All is right with the world.

Sunday, I had one of these runs. Remember? 12 glorious miles. 12 makes-me-remember-why-I-love-to-run miles. Those runs are great. Perfect. Runner's high inducing.

Not every run is like that.

Some runs BLOW. Simple as that.

Yesterday was one of those runs.

I started the day with Signature Strength, which I already bitched about. What I didn't mention was that despite the TERRIBLY annoying instructor, I actually did get quite a workout in. We did a shit ton (a very scientific measurement, I know) of squats and lunges and TONS of inner and outer thigh work. GREAT for muscles. BAD for later running plans.

Anyway, I also mentioned that my shins were just SO sore after Sunday's glorious run. I haven't had sore shins in a while. I'd forgotten what they feel like. I've been so focused on my little whiny bitch of a right knee, my shins were the last of my concern. Whoops. Never underestimate the possibility that NUMEROUS of your body parts might be  little whiny bitches at the same time.

So, I skipped my normal post morning class 2 mile quick treadmill run because my legs were just trashed from class and my shins were still SO MAD.

I decided I'd be somehow magically healed and good as new by lunch.

I WAS WRONG.

Noon rolled around and I was giddy with excitement to get out there and run with my new shoes.

I laced em up, realized I didn't pack a sports bra (FAIL. BIG, big FAIL. Have you ever tried to run with a regular bra? I should've known it was going to be a disaster.), powered on the Garmin and hit the road. Less than 10 steps in and I was already counting down the distance. Making deals with myself about how far I had to go. Debating stopping right then. HATING the run. Hating RUNNING. My internal convo went a little like this:

-OMG, this sucks.
-How long have I been running?
-.4 miles???? That's it?!?!?! WTF??
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-Ok, I know you wanted to go 5 miles. Let's just do 1, then turn around. 2 total. Max.
-THIS SUUUUUCKS.
-Why do my shins hurt SO bad?
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-Does my knee hurt again?
-SHINS... HURT
-How far have I been now?
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-OMG! AM I REALLY RUNNING A 10:30 MILE??
-And, it's only been .6 miles?!?!?! HOOOOOOW????
-Ok, just 1.5 miles out, then back. Come on. You can do it.
-THIS BLOWS.
-I HATE RUNNING.
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-Turn around. Just turn around.
-No, don't turn around yet. You'll regret it. Stick it out.
-But, everything hurts!
-SO WHAT? It will make you a stronger runner.
-Ahhhhh!!!! THIS SUUUUUUCKS. Come on!!!
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-ONLY 2 miles in???
-Ok, definitely turn around. You gave it a good effort.
-Right foot, left foot. Just focus on 1 step at a time. Ignore the pain.
-Deal. 2 miles out, 2 miles back in. 4 miles total. You tried.
-YOU SUCK FOR GIVING UP.
-How long now? Only 2.3 miles??? OMG.
-I HATE RUNNING.

(source)

I think you get the point, no?

I managed to BARELY squeeze 4.2 miles out.

4.2 of my slowest miles in a long time (not including the marathon, of course).

4.2 hard, shitty, painful miles. 4.2 miles where I HATED every step. Where running SUCKED and I just did not want to do it. 4.2 miles where NOTHING positive went through my mind. 4.2 miles where I legit counted down the seconds til I could be done.

But, I did do 4.2 miles.

Did I finish the 5 miles I set out to do? No.

Do I think I made a good choice "toughing it out"? NO. You know that whole "No one ever regrets a workout" phrase?

(source)

Horseshit. I regret that workout. My shins are STILL screaming. Louder than they have in a LOOOONG time. For what? For 4.2 stupid miles? I honestly, honestly think I would have been better off listening to my body and just giving it the break it was asking for.

Moral of the incredibly long, boring story?

1. Some runs just SUCK. Not every run can be great. The shitty runs make us grateful for the amazing runs. Gotta take the good with the bad. One bad run is not indicative of your entire running "career", nor is it a sign you SUCK or anything in between. Breathe. Bad runs happen to everyone, just like good runs do.

 

2. If your body and mind is SCREAMING "NOOOOOO!!!!" (& assuming you're not doing this all the time and that it's not a key training session to a major race)-- LISTEN. No one is superman. Sometimes, just LISTEN to yourself. It knows best. YOU know best. Stop being a pig headed egomaniac and just REST if everything is telling you to. The world will be OK. YOU will be OK.

 

3. It's ok to hate running sometimes. It doesn't mean you REALLY hate running. I LOVE running and yet there are days and runs that make me HATE running. It's ok. The I LOVE RUNNING days will return and they outnumber the RUNNING SUCKS days. Promise.

So, yesterday I hated running. Yesterday running SUCKED and I couldn't wait for the stupid run to be over. The day before I loved running and couldn't stop smiling. Win some, lose some. Something tells me tomorrow will be another sunshine and sprinkles and "I LOVE RUNNING" kinda days. And, I say-- bring it on!