Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dirty, Dark Marathon Training Truths

Truth: Every time someone asks me about marathon training, I panic.
What if I've talked up this thing and I DON'T FINISH.

Truth: I tell myself I'm ALLOWED to eat as much or anything I want right now because I am SOOO hungry from training.
I mean... I know in my head that's WRONG. I know I can't just eat evvvverything. I know that's where marathon weight gain comes from, but I can't stop.
Truth: Every time someone says "Oh! You're running the Chicago Marathon? How awesome!" I respond "Well, I'm going to try to run it!"
I am legit nervous I won't actually be a marathoner at the end of the day on October 7. I'm worried SOMETHING is going to happen and I won't cross that finish line. I don't ever say "Yes, I am going to run it!" because I'm SO scared I won't actually do it.
Truth: I'm worried about what I'm going to do post-marathon.
Let's say I finish... or I don't... either way... then what? How many rest days do I take? When do I start running again? And, even then... how much do I run? I have no races post-marathon on the books. I have no NEED to train or make certain milage. So, wtf am I going to do?
Truth: Every time someone says "WOW! You ran 20 miles this weekend?? That's crazy!" (Or however many miles) I respond "It's not that hard/bad... you could do it to if you trained right."
Why? Why do I sell the process short? Why do I sell myself short? I mean... it IS freaking hard. It hurts like a B. It burns. It's brutal. Why do I down play it?
Truth: I LOVE running. But, sometimes I feel like I HAVE to run and don't love it.
I think Blogging and being in training and 10,000 other things make me feel like I have to be a running cheerleader 24/7. And, I honestly do LOVE running. I have fallen head over heels for this crazy sport... but, still. Still, sometimes I just Sometimes I HATE each step. Sometimes I'd rather sit on my ass and do NOTHING. Or spin. Or do some strength. Or go for a walk. I feel like I can't SAY I don't want to run-- ever. Because then WTF am I doing training for a marathon? Do one is MAKING me. So, if I don't ALWAYS love it... why do it?
Truth: I feel like i'm supposed to be better. Faster. Stronger. I feel like I'm failing.
I've been in training for how long now and I still can't average 9:00 miles? I feel like I should have made more progress and like I am slower than I should be.
Truth: I feel like when people hear I'm training for a marathon they think it's crazy because I don't LOOK like a runner.
I had body image issues just like 98% of the female population. I'm not a small girl. I feel like runners are small. Tiny. SKINNY. I am not. I feel like people think that when they hear I run (notice: I did not say when they hear I'm a runner as I do not consider myself a "runner"-- another issue. I'm fuil of issues.).
Truth: I am unbelievably excited to (attempt to) run this thing.
Like, so excited an instant smile shoots across my face just THINKING of it.

Truth: Everyone says to "trust the training" and I'm worried maybe I didn't train enough.
Why? Why am I so worried about this? I followed my plan, the plan I CAREFULLY and OCD-ly put together after looking at DOZENS of other plans! I did the workouts. I even did the rest days most of the time. Why am I doubting all the experts who say it will be enough?

Truth: I worry about letting all my friends and family who are coming to support me on marathon day DOWN.
I have a GREAT support system. And, they're all coming out to cheer me on on October 7. Friends and family. Some are traveling in just to see me for a few seconds. What if I don't finish? What if I get a crappy time? I feel like I'm going to disappoint people.
Truth: I'm worried I'm the only one who ever thinks any of the above.
I mean... that's can't be true. Right? Someone else, somewhere must have had some of those
thoughts. Right?!? I can't be the lone freak... can I?

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