The 5K That Wasn't

This weekend was SUPPOSED to be my come back to running.

I successfully ran the Nearly Naked Mile Race Thursday and was SO READY for my 5K this Saturday.

I was ready to run it nice and slow. I was ready to run it with a HUGE smile plastered all over my face because I was GETTING TO RUN!!

Didn't happen.

The Hubs and I started the "race" (I say "race" because it was a VERY small, family-friend planned event with about 30 runners total, aged 1o-60ish. VERY informal.) together. The Hubs! RUNNING! He wanted to see if he could run it and I was SOOOOO excited to have the company and knew it'd stop me from pushing too hard.

It did, which is great.

We took off and I was easily maintaining about a 10:30 pace. My legs felt GREAT and I was easily chatting the Hubs ear off, trying to distract him from the fact that he was running. I felt GREAT. The knee felt GREAT. I was SMILING and LOVING it.

Then, we hit mile 1.5ish. I started feeling the knee. It didn't hurt at first.... just felt off and very noticeable in every step. I felt like I could FEEL my knee more than usual. Makes no sense, but I can't describe it any better. Never had any sharp pains. The odd feeling just slowly kept getting more intense and transitioned into a painful feeling.  

We knew we were looping near our car at mile 2 and I told the Hubs I needed to stop when we got there.

The Hubs did great! We ran the first 1.25 miles without stopping in a 10:30 pace. Then, we walked a few seconds (about 20), kept running, walked a few seconds (about 30), kept running and then stopped. The last .75 miles ended up being in a 11:30 pace to average out to about a 11:00 overall pace. 

We stopped at mile 2. 22:00ish. I DNF a freaking 5K.

Now, to be fair-- the "race" started late, so the Hubs and I were planning on stopping at mile 2 before we even started because we had other plans and didn't want to be too late. So, I had already planned to not finish, so the DNF isn't hurting my mental state TOO much. In fact, I'm not REALLY even counting it as a DNF. But, let's be honest, I very may well have told the Hubs we were gonna finish it and just be late if I hadn't had the knee issues. I mean... this is ME we're talking about here. I guess we'll never know and it doesn't much matter.

What does matter? That stupid, stupid knee.

My lungs felt great. My legs felt great. I can tell I haven't lost much fitness... but, that damn knee.   

Ugh.

I'm frustrated. And pissed. And sad. And annoyed. And pissed. And terrified. And pissed. And over dramatic (shocker). And just PISSED.

I want to be healed. I want to be 100%. I want to RUN.

I want to run. Simple as that.

BLAH.

So, what am I doing from here?

Well, clearly I didn't run Sunday. Even though it was PERFECT outside and even though I planned to and even though I WANTED to. Instead, I gym-ed it. 60 min. elliptical and 10 min. bike. BORING. Ah. Over it.

Today, I went to spinning. Tomorrow, elliptical. Wednesday, spinning and ?. Thursday, elliptical and maybe spinning. Friday, elliptical and maybe yoga.

(note: I'm trying to workout pretty hard this week to make up for next week's no-workouts.)

As you can see-- NO RUNNING. No 1-mile test runs. No easy runs. No I-just-wanna-see runs. NO RUNNING. AND, no walks. For 1 whole week. BLAH. Not happy about it.

I am SOOOO hoping one more rest week will do the trick. Give it a little more time.

Next Saturday I'm going to TRY to do the half I registered for before the marathon. We'll see. I'm going to listen to my body and if it hurts, I really will DNF. Whatever will be, will be. I reallllly want to do it, though. I'm going to do all I can this week to help that happen.

IF it still hurts at the half, I'll give it 1 more week (more because I'm naturally not working out next week than because I want to). If it still hurts after that--- to the doctors I'll go.

BLEAH.

I'm not happy. I'm grumpy about it and pissed about it.

Luckily, other amazing things are happening in life, like my wedding anniversary today, to take my mind off it. When I think about the stupid knee in the same thought as our anniversary, it seems so small and insignificant. Does it matter to me? Of course. But, there's more to life than running. So, this week, I'm going to try to focus on those things. Saturday'll be here before I know it. Whatever will be, will be.

In the meantime, I have an anniversary to celebrate, work to complete, papers to grade, bags to pack, a house to clean, and life to lead. And, it's a pretty damn good life too.